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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » why dont i trust him?

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Author Topic: why dont i trust him?
princes
Neophyte
Member # 40351

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OK
this is a long one [Big Grin]

my boyfrends changed nations around a month ago(high school sweethearts) though we both love each other,of lately he hasnt been paying much attention to me,in the begging of our relation he used to b real caring,sending me ecards,talking to me always,and appreciating a lot but since he has gone and a couple of weeks before that hes been laid back i mean i know that the new relationship excitment has faded and he does love me,but cmmon everyone needs appreciation once in a while maybe i feel so because im not goin into any college till november,[im shifting to his country as well for my studies [Big Grin] we both planned it [Smile] ]i keep avoiding how he didnt remember our last month anniversary and how he slept the whole time this month on that day,i sent him an ecard but he didnt even tell me he saw it[i know because i was sent a notice that my card was viewed]let alone appreciate it.he said he was sorry n due to the time gap he cudnt wish me on the right time,but i do feel left out so much.hes in another country with all new girls maybe hes losing interest in me,i do trust him but the way he is behaving i cant get myself to think straight.
weve even been talking about having sex once i go to meet him there,im all excited and worried too

i did talk to him about it like a week ago he said he was sorry that he didnt appreciate what i did tho he cud see everything i do for him,but then again back to square one!!! bottom line

A.im losing my trust in him:( which i really dont want to and i know he isnt cheating on me but i still have that feeling

B.he keeps saying hes sorry but doesnt do anything about it any more

C.i dont wnt to keep telling that to him coz i dont want to sound nagging neither do i want to force him to do things for me forcibly..
D.if things go on like this i dont think ill love having sex with him since both of us are virgins.


please help me i have no idea what to do [Frown]

i really love him and i know he does too:)
P.S:neither of can live without each other so breakup is not an option at all

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he made me fall in love and i couldnt help it:)

Posts: 6 | From: japan | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Hey, princes?

Just yesterday you were talking about planning to have sex with this partner. Since clearly, at this time you're having some relationship issues, I have to say that I'd advise against that until you work these out some, okay? It's generally best not to up the ante in a relationship sexually when you're in any kind of conflict (and if you're hoping that will fix things, that's a double-bad reason to become sexually active, since sex can't fix relationship problems, but rather, presents a new set of issues entirely, even when it's all positive).

What I'm hearing doesn't sound so much like you are having issues with trust, but that you're more concerned you are losing his interest, and that you're not so sure he's as invested in the relationship as he used to be.

Can you voice to your partner that you are having these concerns, and that you simply need him to make a little more time and space for you and your relationship? Did you make clear your feelings were hurt that he didn't acknowledge your card or your anniversary?

I'd also make clear to him that before discussing or planing sex, you two need to work through this.

FYI? Breaking up is always an option, and if it's not, that's a problem. We always need to have changing the kind of relationship we have, or staying in it, be optional, not mandatory. Not saying I see that you need to consider that at this time, but it does need to always be an option.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
princes
Neophyte
Member # 40351

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ur right that`s exactly how i feel..i am so scared he`ll loose interest in me.i have no idea what to do,i am so scared i love him so much.he tells me stuff about his college which is nowhere out of normal and it upsets me so much.because it involves girls i dont know wat to do.he keeps saying hes sorry when i get all upset,and keeps telling me he loves me and i know he does.i really dont know why i keep getting this insecurity i feel like crying so much [Frown]

please help

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he made me fall in love and i couldnt help it:)

Posts: 6 | From: japan | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think you need to give yourself a break.

The transition to college in a relationship is often really hard, especially when only one of you has made that transition. Having distance when you're not used to it is also very hard. And with any of these changes, people do grow and change, their interests may or may not shift, but it is a time of flux and change and those are often difficult.

So, it's normal to feel scared and insecure.

When he's talking to you about girls, is he talking about friends or about romantic/sexual interests?

What are you two doing to bridge the gap with these changes? Do you send each other letters or packages? Make sure time is set aside for phone calls? Do you two have a plan in terms of how you're going to manage so much time away: did you talk about it before he left? Have you let him know you just need a bit more care and expressed appreciation (without your asking him for it every time you have that need), not just an "I love you," or "I'm sorry you're upset?"

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
princes
Neophyte
Member # 40351

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heather darling thankyou so much.
thats exactly what i did a little while ago.i brought things in the open and told him what i like and what i dont like.
yes we do have a seperate time to talk.
im so glad i brought up things in up front because everything is clearer.i gathered that due to diff time and his schedule we had some communication problem.i told him what i felt about the girls he talked about and he told me they werent his frends,just his classmates.and he was real pateint,and explained to me how he was goin to take time out for me.n how sorry he was for not appreciating me
im so glad u helped me .
were back as we used to b..thank you so much scarleteen

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he made me fall in love and i couldnt help it:)

Posts: 6 | From: japan | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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