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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Not healthy...

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Author Topic: Not healthy...
Member # 38122

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My best friend, who is the closest thing I have to a sister, is in her first relationship at the moment. It's really great to see, they care about each other so much. But he has a few problems. He lives by himself, having just legally been made independent from his mentally ill mother. His father was never around, which pretty much means that he's never had a healthy relationship with an adult in his life. He has OCD and depression and has self-harmed/attempted suicide.

My friend is pretty much trying to be his everything at the moment. She's the same age as me and does things for him like going over to get him up for school. She knows that he needs to find some other support networks but the problem is that he really is very much alone in terms of that.

Does anyone have any advice for my friend/her boyfriend/me? I'm there for her, but I don't want to let it get me down.

Posts: 25 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 40100

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That sounds like a tough situation, I'm sorry you guys are having to deal with that. I really don't know what good advice I can offer because if your friend lets up a little and gives him room he needs to grow, it could give poor results.. I'm not sure what I would do. Hang in there, I'm sure you'll get some good answers here!
Posts: 3 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 17924

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You friend can't be her boyfriends keeper. For her health and wellbeing, as well as his, he needs to find some sort of support group or seek counseling.

This isn't to say your friend shouldn't support him; she sounds like she's doing a wonderful job of that, and should continue to do so. But literally acting as something to lean on 24/7 is going to start to take a mental and emotional toll on her at some point: plus, it doesn't help her partner get out and find outside support.

So, her next step should be encouraging him to seek help, whether that be counseling, group therapy, something to get him going. The internet is a pretty amazing thing: all he has to do is plug in a key search term and he'll have quite a bit of info available. If you'd like, we can shoot you some ideas if you give us your town/city in Australia.

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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