Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is there such thing as an early adult crisis?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Is there such thing as an early adult crisis?
Chelsie B
Neophyte
Member # 32095

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Chelsie B     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So... Um.

My friends IRL, all 3 us used to be really close..

Till friend "A" admitted to the world he was gay (I already knew though), he was amazing. My best friend.

Soon after that he started going out with random guys.. and even had sex with one, which he dumped later after he found out he was using him.

(which is quite unfathomable for me, as i am asexual)

And then he started demanding attention.. wanting me to skip my algebra study sessions to play video games with him.. Because i wont, he calls me a bad friend, etc.

Then he started saying he wanted to kill himself.. it's pretty crazy.

and ive tried to avoid him pretty much.. He is going nuts..

WELL today my other friend B, mentioned to me he deleted his facebook, myspace, and soon to be MSN,AIM,YIM. He is cutting off all means of communication via the internet (the only way I can talk to him)... Not to mention all those people on his Facebook/Myspace will have NO Idea what he did.. and if that was their only method of communication.. they will never find out :'(

...and not too long ago he said he wanted to quit college (he was/is? going for theatre) because he could no longer act.. because he is too "self concious about himself"

...and that he wanted to get his ear pierced.

now me and my 2 friends have always been goody-2 shoes people, you know?

Now theyre having sex and piecing themselves?!

Quite unreal to me.

So I'm curious as to weither this sort of drastic change is due to some sort of early adult crisis (we're all 19)

..or if they are really changing into people I can no longer be around....


Thanks

Posts: 11 | From: here | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Koi
Activist
Member # 39785

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Blue Koi     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Looks like your friend is making some sudden, quick, and dramatic changes that are quite serious. Perhaps something has happened to him since he came out (perhaps experiences with the relationships he has had since then) that has triggered this odd behavior. It seems like he is asking for someone's help by acting out this way. Perhaps it's best to sit down and have a serious talk about what is going on with all the changes. Sounds like he really wants someone there to find out what's wrong and support him in whatever he is going through. There are many hotlines and services that he can call to get help too, should he need it and depending on the issue that he is dealing with.

However, you are right in seeing that his behavior might start affecting you if you continue to hang around him. If you should feel that he is not a good influence on you, remove yourself from the situation. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing. If you feel like the relationship can only be destructive to you, then you are right in trying to cut off contact.

If you do not feel comfortable addressing the issue, perhaps it would be a good idea to notify a trusted counselor or teacher, or his parents.

--------------------
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Posts: 171 | From: USA/CHINA | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know that I would call an ear piercing a drastic change. If you consider how common it is for so many people, women and men, then it's not really so unusual. Dating more once you get to a place where there are more options available isn't so unusual either. A lot of people do date more in college since there is a little more freedom being away from home and there are usually more people and more diversity making it easier to find someone that you might really click with. That's not to make it sound like your concerns here are unwarranted. You obviously know him better so you know what is unusual behavior for him.

One thing you might suggest to him is that he talk to his school's counselor. It's not that uncommon that someone will go through a period in college where they will start questioning whether or not this is what they really want to be doing. A talk with an advisor or the school's counselor can be really helpful. It might be that he wants to explore other areas of study or it might just be that he needs a little self esteem boost to regain some confidence in himself. How is his support system? Do you go to the same college as him? It might also be that going to college has caused him to re-evaluate himself and made him want to change his identity to a certain extent. You could try talking to him about these changes and ask him why he wants them.

I will say, though, that you shouldn't let him interfere with your own life and your own education. You do have to worry about yourself, too. If he is threatening suicide, then it's time to tell his parents (does he get along okay with them?) or the school's counselor. That's something which requires more help and support than you can provide him with. That's not to say that friends can't be helpful or supportive in those times; they can, but he's going to need some professional help in dealing with these suicidial thoughts.

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chelsie B
Neophyte
Member # 32095

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Chelsie B     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
errr it sounds like you guys /MAY/ have had the 2 friends mixed up o.o

Friend A: gay, suicidal, mean to me in general

Friend B: college, deleting everyone

But if not, then okay ^^

but I /REALLY/ appreciate your guys' opinions... And the situation deepends...


Friend A is really smart, Ungodly smart, book wise. He always tells me.. Truth is most imporant and everything else. He has a facebook comment saying "Some people need to try to fix themselves before they fix others" Which is obviously directed at me trying to "Fix Friend B".

He tells me I'm living in a "Fantasy World" When in reality I'm the one with 40 job applications in and 35 college credits under his belt.

I made several appointments so me and him can go in there and get him registered, but he makes up excuses why he wont come, or just avoids me all together. As soon as school starts though, OH he wants to hang out ALL the time. I decline.

Here's the comment he made in my Facebook...
"I'm done with trying to get you out of the fantasy world you live in. And all I have to say is **** you, you crazy ungrateful bitch. I'm ******* tired of you treating me and [[Friend B]] like dirt, and all your "friends" from Trickster or whatever like they are wonderful. Me and [[Friend B]] are the only friends you even have. We were there when your mom died, and when your cats died. Where were your internet friends? And I love how you said you would always be there for whats his face to talk to if he was feeling depressed or whatever, then you tell me not to even talk to you until my medication kicks in.

I'm tired of trying to be your friend and you not even caring, so is [[Friend B]]. I hope you are happy that you just got rid of the two people in the world that care about you the most."


He's the crazy one. Sure they are the only friends I have IRL, but the friends on the internet are amazing. When my mom died, one of them actually drove several hours to the funeral for me. The rest that lived too far away would talk with me on MSN/play games with me, etc.

Me being so concerned about both of them, IMO, is caring. Im trying to help, but they don't want it.


----

I contacted Friend B's brother expressing my concerns.. and he didn't message me back at all, but he apparently took it to Travis. I don't know what went on between them, but he made a post in his Livejournal saying the following...

"dont call me names, or say that i'm crazy or going 'nuts'. And please, don't write or MESSAGE anyone on facebook that would tell me anything about what you have told them. you're only making the situation worse.

please stop.

thxbai."

Which doesnt make sense, some parts. He deleted his facebook, noone can message him anyway. I think he meant something else...


But me expressing my concerns to his family is apparently "making it worse".

Am I supposed to not express my concerns? Is it wrong?


----


I emailed Friend A's mom and telling her of the situation with him... Friend A's mom is awesome and we hang out sometimes...

What should I do with Friend B? Call his mom and see what I can do? He doesnt want me talking to anyone about my concerns though.


Do they want help or not? Im confused. Should I just sit back and wait for everything to run its course?

but more importantly.. Should I feel bad? If they truely dont care about me anymore, I wont have ANy friends IRL, and my social skills suck big time, and theres nothing to do in my tiny town population: 200..

I can make friends super easily on the internet.... but IRL friends just... them being mean upsets me :/


Thanks

[ 08-24-2008, 01:49 AM: Message edited by: Chelsie B ]

Posts: 11 | From: here | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3