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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » says he doesn't want a girlfriend but....

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Author Topic: says he doesn't want a girlfriend but....
Member # 36769

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we've been dating for a bout 5 months. we met in school, we have the same major in college and are in a lot of the same classes. I met him right after I broke up with this other guy and we started hanging out. Well about 2 months ago he told me that he didn't want to be dating, but then he met me, then he said he also told himself he didn't want a girlfriend while he was in college but that he still wants to see me and keep things how they were. I was upset, but I said ok. Then a few weeks later, he calls me up and says that he hopes I'm not mad at him, and that he'd do anything to keep me. I said I wasn't mad. I should have told him how I felt then, but I didn't. The truth is I really am kind of sad about this. Well we've been seeing each other regularly about 1-2 times a week for the last 5 months. We're both in college so we don't have a ton of free time, but we always hang out 1-2 times a week. Since the day we've met, we have talked to each other every single day on the phone. We never go a day without speaking to each other. Well what could he want here? He talks to all his friends about me, his one good friend thinks we are in a relationship, and he refers to me as "his woman", in a jokingly way, but I'm so confused. We have pet names for each other, we're always cuddling and being affectionate when we're together. We recently became intimate, but we haven't talked about our relationship since that one time a few months ago. What do you think is going on? I'm just confused.
Posts: 27 | From: music | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Koi
Member # 39785

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I know that that this is going to be a "easier said than done" sort of line, but the healthy way to solve your dilemma is to be honest with him about how you are feeling. I know that I would have a hard time with this, and that I might beat around the bush, asking him how he feels about the situation and basically hint around the real issue, but I've found that guys sometimes can't take the hint and need a little help. I've found that it's much easier just to get to the point right off the bat, perhaps saying; "You know how you asked me if I was okay with not dating? Well, it does bother me and I wish we can work something out that we are both comfortable with." Perhaps "working it out" might just consist of asking questions so you know how he views the relationship. YOu could ask why he doesn't want to date. You asked, "What do you think is going on?" Well, the best person to ask after yourself would be HIM! This would be a good time to find out what you have been keeping inside all those weeks.

Also, you can get inspiration for discussion material from this great source: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Also, many times guys just don't want to get too serious too fast. While compromise is good, deciding to wait for him when you are ready for a relationship might not make you that happy, and happiness is a big part of relationships (that's why we want them, right?). This might mean that you two are at two different stages in your life right now, and might not be compatible at the moment.

The best to you, no matter what happens!

[ 08-23-2008, 12:18 AM: Message edited by: Blue Koi ]

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Posts: 171 | From: USA/CHINA | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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