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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » The old "I have a mad crush on my best friend" story

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Author Topic: The old "I have a mad crush on my best friend" story
Member # 29978

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Well, the subject line says it all, doesn't it? I've been very close friends with this guy, J, for just about two and a half years. And for just about that entire time--despite a boyfriend and a not-quite-girlfriend--I've had a crush on him, and it's so much of a crush that I've come very close to calling it "love".

About two years ago, I told J that I had a crush on him, and he basically told me it wasn't going to work, because we're such good friends. I accepted that, but I haven't been able to put the fantasy of us becoming a "couple" out of my mind. I present as a fairly androgynous dyke--physically, I'm not his type of girl at all--but I find him very physically attractive. It doesn't help that we're very open with each other about our sexualities--strictly as friends, of course, though simply from our conversations, J has had the most impact of anyone on my coming to terms with my sexuality.

J came with me to my senior prom this May when I didn't have a more "romantic" date, and we did the whole "date" thing right down to the corsage and boutonniere. Since then, I've been replaying the night in my head: we danced together, he put his arm around me, and as cliched and ridiculous and heteronormative as it sounds, I want that in a way that I very, very rarely want with guys.

I'm sure that J has some idea of how I feel--he knows me too well, even though I haven't brought it up since that one time two years ago--but given the fact that I'm going to university in September and that what he said two years ago probably still holds, I'm keeping mum. It hasn't damaged our friendship at all, but I'm just worried I'm being somewhat unhealthily obsessive. I know I need to forget about being into J, so that I can meet new people at university and move on in my life. I know it's also not that fair to J, who just wants to be friends, and I'd like us to stay friends even when I leave. But at the same time, the intensity of my crush is positively overwhelming at times. I just don't know how to proceed, and how to deal with this presumably unhealthy obsession with my best friend.

Apologies for length of post.

Posts: 29 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, going off to school may actually take care of this all by itself. It's pretty touch to forget about something when it's right there, all the time, and has so long been a familiar part of our environment.

Going to a new place, having new social circles, starting a new phase of your life is a very good way to basically push the reset button -- without us even having to try very hard -- on something like this.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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