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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I just can't deal with this.

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Author Topic: I just can't deal with this.
Member # 36295

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I know this has probably been brought up a million times before, but I'm feeling awful. Just awful.

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of almost 2 years ended it. Just like that, almost out of the blue. Almost meaning that there was really no warning signs until the day of, and I didn't really think that much of it.
But whenever I ask him to talk to me, he just won't. Won't even compromise, or try to work it out.
Now he told me the few reasons that he did it, one being that I was relying on him too much and being "clingy", and also that we didn't do stuff.
But the strange thing is that he does NOT want to talk about it any more.
We've been together for so long that I don't remember what I was like before I met him; he definitely changed my life for the better, and I loved when we were together, because I felt like I could be myself.
The worst part is that I still have to see him every day for the next two months, which makes it a lot harder. I've never even had a boyfriend before him, and he knew that I didn't know how to act in a relationship, but was going to help me through.

This isn't even the half of it. I'm so distraught and I've been really upset ever since...
I tried giving him a note, thinking that once he read it, he might change his mind. Being stubborn, I don't know if he ever will.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Posts: 15 | From: AK | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 39228

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Hey Fuzzball,

I'm so sorry to hear about how hurt you are. It's a horrible feeling, I know. I've never been in a relationship as long as you have, but I understand the pain of being pushed away and left in the dark. This website is a good place.. I'm sure a lot of people will lend you some support and advice.

First off, what is this guy like? Is he the type that needs his space, or the kind that will come around if you eventually convince him to talk to you? I find it strange how he would just end it the way he did.. part of me wonders if he's telling you the whole story.. but that's something I won't speculate on. But listen, I know how hard it is to do this, but if this boy isn't even willing to be mature and talk with you about something involves you BOTH.. then you should really try to take your mind off of him. Talk with friends, go out, do things you love to do.

You gave him a letter and basically put the ball in his court.. you should see what he does with it. Try giving him some space, maybe.

Oh, and one more thing.. what did he mean by "stuff"? Sexual stuff? If that's part of the reason he broke up with you.. then you are far too good for him, honey.

[ 07-10-2008, 02:05 AM: Message edited by: monkeyboom ]

Posts: 6 | From: NC | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jase Watson
Member # 39090

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Hey fuzzball44. Well, Im sorry to hear about your loss. Well, one thing Id like to say is: Dont chase him. If one of his reasons was thinking you were clingy, then first off, its not a good idea to try and force him to talk. Leave him alone for a little bit, a week or so, then casually go up and just say "Hey. So, you want to talk about it?" And that will set it final. Second off, if he thought you were to clingy after two years, it sounds to me like he wasnt interested into getting committed, or he was scarred of making that commitment. If another reasons was "stuff" as in sexual things, YOUR BETTER OF WITHOUT HIM. Trust me, you want someone that loves you enough to wait until you are 100% ready to do anything. That is true love. The letter might have been quick action, so if I were you, wait the week, then say just that, "Hey. So, you want to talk about it?" Good luck. Remember that in life there are many people that you can have a great relationship, but only the one that will wait for you is your true love.

- Jase Watson

Posts: 58 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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(Jase, I'm really not comfy with this talk about "true love." Disney may propogate that idea, but it's far from realistic. There are many many people in the world, so the whole idea of only one person out of 6+ billion being perfect for a person is kind of absurd. There may be certain people you will get along with better and have better relationships with, but that doesn't mean they are the only ones you can ever be with. If there was such a thing as "one true love" then imagine how many lonely people there would be out there because their "one true love" died in a freak typhoon in Nebraska.)

Fuzzball, I'm sorry you are hurting so much right now. It sucks when someone ends a relationship we've invested a lot of time in and won't give us an explanation, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, then you have to respect that and let it go.

Monkeyboom has a good point, though. You should reach out to your friends and family for support right now. Break-ups are rough, even more so when you don't talk to someone about it. You can always talk here, but I think it'd be good for you to also have some in-person support. And give yourself some time to wallow. Eat a giant bowl of ice cream, watch some cheesy love movies, have a good cry, whatever you want that makes you feel better (so long as it doesn't hurt you or someone else, of course). Maybe try watching some of those cheesy movies with friends or family.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 37957

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this is all too common in my life, and in many of my friend's lives too.

honestly, the best thing to do is to make him come to you. if he wants to talk about it, he will, but you forcing it on him is just going to (in his mind) confirm that you were too clingy and he made the right decision to end the relationship. the best thing to do right now is to give him space, don't call or text him or anything like that unless he contacts you first, and then maybe try talking about it.

i've seen too many of my friends make themselves look obsessive and overbearing by trying to piece together something after being hurt. they say a breakup is like a broken mirror; it's better to leave it alone than to get hurt trying to fix it, and i think that's pretty true in most cases.

a life lived for others, is a life worthwhile.
-Albert Einstein.

Posts: 11 | From: cumberland. | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 36295

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Thanks guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Even though I feel terribly lonely in real life.
I've tried really hard to give him space, and not talk to him about it because I know that will just spark it up again (in a bad way) and confirm my "clingyness."
But is it weird that he was actually mean to me on purpose? It seems like he's doing it to make me stop liking him. I didn't even know guys did that. But apparently it happens, and it's not fun. His friend who I know said it might be on purpose too.

We were just so close... and shared everything. I don't deal with change very well. I just can't believe I'm dealing with this right now, and it's so hard to resist talking to him, because he was pretty much my everything. I know you're not supposed to make one person your life, which is what contributed to his decision, but I thought we were really meant to be.

Posts: 15 | From: AK | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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