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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Don't Want A Boyfriend Now/ But feel I should

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Author Topic: Don't Want A Boyfriend Now/ But feel I should
lil_kiwi
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Member # 26749

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I know this is silly, but I don't want a boyfriend. But because I am friends with my ex and he has already dated like 2 girls I feel like I should date someone just so he knows nothing is wrong with me. I don't know why, it's always been this way. It makes me feel bad like something is severely wrong with my since I haven't found a perfect mate or boyfriend yet.

Should I date someone just to prove to him and myself I am ok. I am scared because most of the guys who want to date me or like my are obsessive about it. And not up to his standards, to the point he mocks them. My ex ex is in a relationship and is still in love with me. His girlfriend made him delete my number and ect which I thought was odd since I don't hang out with him but apparently it pisses her off because of how obsessive he is about it. *yeah I am not talking to him anymore* I dunno can anyone really blame me with all these messed up relationships. I have 4 stockers a ex who is my one true friend and a paranoia of guys at this point. I want a boyfriend, I guess deep down, but I haven't found anyone who likes me for me and not my body and who will really take care of me and respect me.
I think I am looking in the wrong places. Or doing something wrong. Can anyone give me some advice?

Posts: 198 | From: Ca, USA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
paper towel
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Well, I'm no expert, but...

I have a couple of friends who are feeling social pressure to have a boyfriend yet don't want to, mainly because they don't want to just settle for whoever comes along. And I'll say to you what I said to them: more power to ya! Don't do what you don't want to, as simple as that. And if you're not sure whether or not you want to, assume you don't. Just wait until you meet someone you want to be with is all.

Posts: 52 | From: Oregon | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jase Watson
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No, there is nothing wrong with you. Do me a quick favor: Go to the restroom, run some cold water, splash your face, go to the mirror and say "You are fine and do not need to prove that to anyone". I can understand why you feel that way. Honestly, you dont need to prove yourself. That behaviour from your ex is unaccesptable. It your love life, not his. Live it the way you want to, not the way others want you too. You want to be happy, right? Let him know he needs to stop the comments.

[ 07-09-2008, 02:13 PM: Message edited by: Jase Watson ]

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- Jase Watson

Posts: 58 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Also?

Clearly this guy is your ex for very good reasons. It also does not sound like he is being any kind of a friend to you, or making you feel good about yourself.

Dating because you want to impress someone else or prove something to someone or yourself is a pretty bad reason to date, especially when you also consider there is another actual person involved who most likely would not appreciate being your way of proving something to someone. That's also very much not a route into a healthy relationship.

You're young. Not only is there no "perfect" mate or boyfriend, someone finding the great, big love of their whole life (especially when you consider many of us will have more than one big love in our lives) at such a young age would actually be pretty darn unusual. Nothing is wrong with you.

However, I did find it interesting to hear you say you feel like folks have just focused on your appearance. Your history here actually has YOU fixated on your own appearance a whole, big, big lot, so you might find that when your own fixation on that is something you can dial down, others will tend to respond in kind. It can be really amazing sometimes how our own dysfunction can tend to show itself up in the people we draw to us and the relationships we have.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Independence_Day
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Member # 39211

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I'll just echo everyone else.

You don't have to have a boyfriend. You are just fine. No need to prove jack to anyone else.

P.S. Your ex seem really unhealthy. Good thing he's your EX, right?

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Im selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as h*** dont deserve me at my best. --Marilyn Monroe

Posts: 13 | From: The Capitol of Creepatopia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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