Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » dilemma. outside advice please?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: dilemma. outside advice please?
Member # 38675

Icon 9 posted      Profile for MEM(:     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So I'm in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend of three years. Thing is, in August I'm going to college (only about 20 minutes away - living on campus though) and he will still be a senior in high school. I am very confident that we will be able to stay together. We have a solid foundation and are very much in love and are willing to make it work.

Here's the problem: one of my best guy friends who I've always looked at as "brotherly" is going to the same college as me. Recently, I've been rethinking his "brotherly" stance in my life. I've started thinking of him differently and as a more attractive person. I've started wondering what him and I would be like together.

What should I do? What are your ideas on the situation? Sorry if this is too long or too vague or anything, but all advice is really appreciated (:

Posts: 6 | From: USA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

Icon 1 posted      Profile for JamsessionVT     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You said yourself, in this very post, in fact, that what you have is solid and works, and that the both of you are invested in making it work. If this is true, why risk that?

Obviously, it's your decision, but if things are going well, I don't see a reason to shake things up.

As well, unless you've gotten hints that this male friend is interested in you romantically, there's no reason to assume that a romantic relationship is even possible between the two of you.

There are a lot of "what ifs" in situations like this, but try and go with your gut: it seems that what you have is working out, as you yourself have said.

Scarleteen Volunteer
Love Us? Keep Us Around by Donating!

Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 38675

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MEM(:     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for the quick reply (: You're right, though. And I have gotten hints that he is. I know for a fact he liked me briefly when we first met, and now I think he may again. I don't know, I guess going to college just has my thoughts in a tangle. I've also been tackling some anxiety/OCD issues so my head is a royal mess right now. "What ifs" are my life.
Posts: 6 | From: USA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The thing about monogamous relationships (assuming that's the relationship model you have right now) is that while you may look at other people and have feelings for them, you make the choice to stay with your partner, even if other opportunities arise. Chances are that throughout your life and in any relationship you have, both you and your partner will have opportunities to be with another person, and you will have to decide what you want more, what you value more. There will be many times where you will have to make a choice, whether it's between having the chicken or the beef (or the veggie burger), or being with one person or another (or both). That's just a part of life. Of course, there are plenty of other relationship models, so you can always choose a different one (provided your partner(s) agrees to it) if you feel it will be a better fit at a particular point in your life.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3