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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Having trouble...

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averagejen
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Member # 36400

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for more than a year now, and he has been nothing but supportive, loving, caring, and sensitive. But I find that I still cannot trust him; I was in a very bad abusive relationship before, which hurt me terribly. On top of that I have low self esteem, which makes me constantly worry about what other people think of me. I get very paranoid even if he does one thing that seems "insensitive"; for example, this Fourth of July, I was home alone because of some circumstances and was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, who was having a party at his house. He said that he needed to go hang out with his friend since his friend didn't know anybody at the party; I felt upset at this although in hindsight it didn't seem that bad.

Also I sometimes push him away when all he wants to do is show me that he loves me. I want to let him love me the way he wants to, but I get paranoid that he will pretend to be sweet so I can let my guard down and then hurt me, which is what my ex-boyfriend did; I know he would never do that, but on the other hand there is always that what-if. How do I overcome my past so I can get on with my present? By the way therapy is really not an option for me right now. Thank you.

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Posts: 93 | From: So Cal | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
atm1
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I definitely know how you feel. I was also in a very abusive relationship, and have been in another relationship for a while now. I've felt a lot of those same feelings.
Some things that will help:
-talking honestly with your current boyfriend about why you are having these trust issues
-You talking to someone (friend, or even someone on the RAINN hotline) about how you feel
-HIM talking to someone about his feelings. This can be the tricky one, because you'll need to talk to him about how comfortable you are with him discussing how he feels about your reactions with other people. Often, it may help him to talk to someone other than you. If there isn't a lot of good communication about these types of issues, a lot of resentment can build up.
-more time. Sometimes things just get better very slowly...

That's the best advise I can give without knowing more details about what's going on in your relationship. It's mostly about communication and patience.

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
averagejen
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Thank you : )

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Posts: 93 | From: So Cal | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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