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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Should I?

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Author Topic: Should I?
PitaBreadYum
Neophyte
Member # 37848

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Okay I've been dating this wonderful guy for 7 months now. We have spent everyday together since we started going out. I didn't mind it..Until I started losing friends because of him. If I wanted to go to a movie with a girlfriend he'd start acting jealous like, I was going to cheat on him or something. I didn't want to hurt him so I just started blowing everyone off. He's a very jealous person. He's a nice guy though to me, he may be great, but this is really suffocating me. I miss being single and hanging out with all kinds of people without anyone saying I was going to cheat or look at other guys.
Lately he's just been making me sick on how much he wants to hang out. I love him, but I wouldn't get jealous if he went out with a friend. I'm feeling so torn lately on if I should break up with him. He's the longest relationship I've been and he's someone I've actually cared for, but I'm still young and want to go out and do things, not be locked up. Advice?

Posts: 3 | From: Ohio | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What you're describing isn't just jealousy, but control.

If you really like this guy, you can certainly try talking first and setting some ground rules. Like that you get to have a normal life like anyone else, with friends, social time without him, etc, and that it's his job to manage his jealousy, not yours. Then you can see if he's able to adapt to that over a few weeks or months.

If not, or if you don't feel like a conversation with him like this would net any results, then yes, it is probably time to move on. We can't have healthy lives and relationships in a context of control.

Next time, too? It's normal for people to spend a lot of time together when first dating, but within a few months, things should level out some, and each partner having friends and time away for themselves should always be a given, and not a point of contention.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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