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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » are you serious .

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Author Topic: are you serious .
itsmebby
Neophyte
Member # 38029

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mmk so i do not know what to do . my boyfriend i've been dating for about 3 weeks . ive been extremely happy with him . and today he got a phone call , and well. his ex is pregnant . he wants me to stay with him and be there with him , but what am i supposed to do ?
Posts: 15 | From: a place | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lightmyfire
Neophyte
Member # 35506

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I'd suggest starting off by having a serious discussion with him about this.

Ask him what his ex is planning to do (abort, raise the child, give it up for adoption, etc.), how involved he wants to be with the situation, and how involved he wants to be with the child if his ex decides to raise it.

After finding out some of this information, you might want to figure out how comfortable you are with all of it, and discuss it with him further.

Posts: 25 | From: VA | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Three weeks is a very short time to be dating, and is very soon to be asking someone to see you through a situation like another pregnant partner or ex.

What I'd suggest is that you encourage him to deal with this on his own, or with the support of people he has known for longer than you. Depending on what his ex is intending to choose to do, he may have the option of some involvement, and should he choose to co-parent, that's something outside the scope of your brand-new relationship. That's his issue to manage, not yours.

Once he finds out what the whole deal is and makes his own choices, then you can have an idea of what's really going to change, and is dating him still seems like a good fit for you.

I have to disagree that you getting very involved in this and discussing his choices with him is sound with such a new relationship.

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lightmyfire
Neophyte
Member # 35506

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I would like to clarify what I meant. I don't think she should get intensely involved with this, or try to discuss his choices as far as trying to influence what he's going to do. Really, it is all up to him.

I was trying to suggest that she should be aware of what's going on, though, and what he wants to do, because in the long term his choices will affect her. If his ex decides to keep the child and he wants to coparent, it may create some amount of emotional strain depending on how involved he gets with his ex and their child.

Based on the choices he's making about the situation, I feel that she would better be able to make a decision on whether or not she wants to be with him or provide him with any amount of support while this is happening.

Posts: 25 | From: VA | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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