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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am i Normal

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Author Topic: Am i Normal
KylelovesBridget
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Member # 38896

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I know that there is not really a way for someone to be "normal", but in all of my relationships, even in the one i am in now, I have never felt love for my girlfriend, maybe deep infatuation, but not love. I really like my girlfriend right now, don't get me wrong, but is it normal to have never really loved one of my girlfriends? I mean all of my friends that are in relationships are saying they love eachother etc. All i know is I'm not saying that, maybe because I was raised to not say what i do not mean. Thank you.
Posts: 16 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Maybe you just haven't felt love yet (though that's an interesting handle you've chosen there given this post). You're still young: sometimes it'll be a while before that happens, and that is totally normal.

Understand that some of your friends probably do mean it and feel it when they say they love each other. Some people also don't: they throw the word around, or what they're feeling is something else, but they use the word love to describe it.

Do you feel like you can't say what you mean or express love? If so, that might be something to think about, and consider how you can be more open to that. Love is one of those things that we do have to be open to feel in order to feel it.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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KylelovesBridget
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Member # 38896

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Ok, well I can say it, but i don't want to say something i don't mean, and I'm not sure if I would mean it. Maybe I should think about my feelings or talk about them to my girlfriend?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, who else have you loved in your life? A friend? A parent? A sibling?

While obviously romantic or sexual love has a different flavor, in many ways, love is love is love: there are common threads through all kinds of love.

So, do you feel things for her which have commonality with kinds of love you have experienced before?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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KylelovesBridget
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Yes, i believe so. It's not like how i love my family or anything. but I think i do love her.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, like I said, it's different, obviously. But there are commonalities, like having a deep regard and respect for someone, wanting to be supportive and caring, accepting that person for who they are, feeling great when you're with them, wanting them in your life (and not just in one role, but just as the person they are), etc.

If you're feeling all of those kinds of things, then we usually are talking about experiencing love.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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KylelovesBridget
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Ok. yeah i am feeling all of those things. Thank you.
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Chae
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I think there are many types of love. You may love your family one way, your friends another, your girlfriend another. While there may be common ground, I think there are different aspects to each kind of love. If you don't feel you're in love with someone, I think you're right not to say it. Otherwise, heartbreak is inevitable. To me, the big difference is between loving someone, and being in love with them. I love my friends, I care about how they feel, but being in love is so much bigger than that. Being in love is when you want that person to be happy no matter what, even if that doesn't include you in the picture. Being in love is when you think about them constantly, when you ache for them, when you want to make love to them and not just have sex with them. Being in love is when everything else in your life takes second place to that person.

But that's just my rantings... In any case, I don't think there's anything wrong with you not saying something if you're unsure about it. If you do love your girlfriend that way, awesome. If not, well, that's what dating is for... To find that person that you love. Just don't lead anyone to think you're more serious than you are.

~ Chae

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