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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » getting sucked in

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Author Topic: getting sucked in
Member # 28780

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I have been writing obsessively in my notebook about this stuff, but I'm needing opinions other than mine or reassurance, so here I am.

I met this new guy back in March at an art gallery opening, and even though we started talking back then, we didn't start hanging out until after me and my boyfriend broke up. We kissed for the first time a couple weeks ago and have engaged in dry sex and heavy making out. He's brought up attaching "labels" to this relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend), but I said it was a little soon for me to do that. He also wanted me to move in with him for awhile, but we decided it was way too soon for that too. problem is that I'm getting really anxious about all of it for some reason, and the logic in my anxiety makes no sense at all. Even though I really want to take things slow, I get anxious that we don't spend a lot of time together. Maybe I'm thinking I need assurance from him that he likes me? I'm not really sure. The logical side of my brain is saying that his friend just passed away, he's working full time, and he's trying to find a new apartment and roommate so OF COURSE he doesn't have time for me right now. I just wish I could change my thinking process from obsessively negative to realistic.

I don't really want a boyfriend right now. I'm liking finding some independence on my own (which I really need to work on). I'm letting my brain get too wrapped around this gorgeous, funny, quirky boy. The problem I'm having is that I'm forgetting that I'm awesome all on my own. I'm forgetting that I love music, drawing, pottery, and doing fun stuff with friends. I'm FORGETTING my friends. And I really don't like it because I know it's because I'm getting sucked into this boy. I want to feel okay with spending the night on my own at home without worrying about this boy.

Anyway, I know what the solution to my problem is. I need to get my grip on reality again and quit freaking out. But I would just like to hear what thoughts other people have. Thanks so much.

[ 06-14-2008, 12:48 PM: Message edited by: fallchild ]

"It's better to die on your feet than live down on your knees"

Posts: 117 | From: SLC, UT | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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This is pretty typical new relationship energy. And seriously, it usually wears off, especially when you have the self-esteem you clearly have, and the own life and interests you also clearly have.

It certainly sounds like he has a lot on his plate, to the point that I wouldn't even be surprised if someone dealing with the things he was didn't ask for a dating break, full-stop, no matter how into the person he was dating he was. I know those kinds of times are when I usually do that.

So, I'd just suggest you give it some time. Put the time in on those interests you say you've been forgetting about. Enjoy having your independence. Schedule time with your friends.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28780

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Thank you Heather [Smile] That was exactly what I needed to hear.

I told him I wanted to give him any space he needed after we found out about his friend. I told him that he shouldn't worry about me at all, that he should just take some time to get his head together, and that if he needed to talk to someone I was there. He said he appreciated that. So, I understand he's going through a lot of heavy stuff.

I just need to quit thinking so negatively and get my grip on reality back. Thanks again

"It's better to die on your feet than live down on your knees"

Posts: 117 | From: SLC, UT | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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