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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Insecurities

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Author Topic: Insecurities
Member # 34496

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I honestly think my boyfriend is the most insecure person EVER.

I can't take his insecurities! Whenever I mention that another guy knows something/has something cool, my boyfriend gets angry and says "I'm sorry I don't have that/I'm not that cool. Why don't you just go be with him? I'm sorry I'm not all you need." etc...I hate it! I was at the pool with him today, and I met another couple. The guy of this couple happens to be training to be a navy SEAL, which I thought was cool. I mentioned this to my boyfriend who replied with, "Oh, well I'm sorry, but I think he's taken. Maybe you can find it in your heart to settle for me."

Anytime I mention I want to hang out with my friends (who are mostly male), he gets angry and short with me, because he knows a few of them have had crushes on me in the past. There's nothing I can say to make him believe that they don't want me anymore/he doesn't have to worry about anything...He just gets angry and reverts inward. At my graduation a few weeks ago, I took a couple pictures with one guy who used to like me (we're still really good friends), but afterward my boyfriend was just plain being a jerk to me.

When we're watching TV, he'll tell me all the time about girls he thinks are hot. "Ohh damn, she's hot." or "Oh...I'd do her." But anytime I do that with guys, he gets angry and upset "I'm sorry I'm not tall enough for you." (He's about an inch shorter than me) or "I'm sorry I'm too Asian for you. If I left maybe you could find a nice white guy." and just rolls away from me and won't talk to me/touch me/let me touch him. I don't mind if he talks about how hot other girls are. I know he notices them, and I also know that he thinks I'm gorgeous and that I'M the one he comes home to every night. But I think it's ridiculous that he gets to play this "OMG that girl is so hot" game and I can't.

He asked me one day why I loved him....I gave him an entire list of reasons why I love him and why I picked him. I asked him why he loved me and he said he didn't know. He couldn't come up with a list and he didn't want to think about it, just in case the bad wound up outweighing the good. I always feed his ego, let him know why I love him because he always seems to need reassurance to know that I do...but him saying that really hurt me...Maybe once I deserved it too, especially after giving his ego a bit of a boost.

I'm sick of his insecurities. I'm sick of him always saying that I'm going to cheat on him (which he has NO basis for saying...I've never done ANYTHING to even remotley hint that I would!) or I'm going to leave him or that I don't love him anymore.

I love this kid to death, but I am sick of his insecurities! I don't know what to say to him to make him stop being so insecure!

Posts: 1 | From: Here | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 35890

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I'm not sure that there is anything you could say to make him not be so insecure. It sounds like he has some underlying problems which just aren't making the relationship a very positive experience.

It sounds like he doesn't have very much trust in you for whatever reason. I think what it comes down to here is how much reassurance are you willing to give him? Would anything productive occur if you asked him why he feels this way? Why he feels that every male in your life is somehow better than he?'

And it's not fun to think about, but there are some people who just remain static no matter how much reassurance or help they receive. If nothing can be done for him, you may want to consider dropping the relationship.

[ 06-11-2008, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: Horizon ]

Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 38986

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I have a friend like this, only he's this way with me as a friend, as well as his other friends, and his girlfriend. He's constantly cutting himself down, and saying how he's too skinny, or his face isn't cute, or his hair isn't cool. It drove me insane for a few months, then he got his girlfriend and all he talked about was her... So it stopped for awhile but then it creeped back in. I'm not sure what makes some guys do this...if they truly believe what they say, or if they just like to hear sweet protest. I just try to reassure my friend, without falling all over him... If he is just doing it for attention, I don't want to feed that, I just try to help him gain confidence, especially by reminding him how much his girlfriend loves him. Hopefully both of these guys will get over this soon...

~ Chae

Posts: 17 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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