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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » i need him

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Author Topic: i need him
candicegirl
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Member # 38839

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okay... so there is a guy, and me and him were really good freinds, we had alot in common, then he really started to like me and then he asked me out, i told him i just wanted to be friends and stuff, but then later he tells me we should really "try things" and i said the just friends thing again... and he kinda agreed so then a couple weeks later and he asked me if i would want to see a movie i said yes because i figured just as friends and he is really one of my best friends. so then at the movies he kinda set up a double date with two of his friends that i din't know and they didn't end up sitting with us and while we were watching the movie he goes to hold my hand and so i pulled away and then the "date" went on, and we talked a little but it wasn't the same.
now after that he doesn't talk to me on the computer any more we never hang out even as a group with our friends and if i see him in public we say hi and stuff and then he seems like he just doesn't wana talk, and it really hurts me.
so now after going like this for a month or two i REALLY miss hanging and talking with him and i need him as my friend, do you have any idea what happened and what i should do?!?!

Posts: 3 | From: cobourg | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It can be pretty tough sometimes when you have strong romantic or sexual feelings for a friend.

It may be that he just needs some time to sort his feelings out, which is both reasonable and fair.

Of course, you can also try and initiate a conversation about this yourself. You can let him know that you really miss him as your friend, and ask if he feels like he can be friends, still, given he clearly has other feelings or wants as well. You might also want to express that you're sorry you don't share those feelings, but that that's out of your hands: you can't feel a thing you just don't.

Understand that if his romantic feelings for you are really strong, he may need more time not being friends, until those feelings fade over time. I don't know the whole history of your relationship, either, so if you weren't friends for long before all of this, you might have both understood your relationship differently.

In other words, what you thought was a growing friendship he may have thought was a growing romance. If that is where his head was at, he may never have really had an interest in a platonic friendship with you in the first place, but that's something you can suss out in talking.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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