This weekend was my high school graduation party. My boyfriend was the only non-family member I invited and he forgot to put the date of the party on his calendar. When I reminded him about it yesterday (the party was today) he said that he had already made other plans with his friend who is leaving town for the rest of the summer tomorrow and apologized for forgetting to put the date on his calendar. I told him that his coming to my party was very important to me but he said that he had already re-scheduled his plans with his friend a few times and couldn't do it again. Since I did not want to start an argument, I let it go for the time being.
This morning I called him and suggested that he spend time with his friend earlier in the day and then come to my party which I thought was a reasonable compromise. Instead he got very angry and said that he already explained the situation but he'd stop by for a bit if it would assuage my anger because he thought I was overreacting. I told him that I didn't want to guilt-trip him into coming if he didn't want to come but then he said that was beside the point.
After this episode my mom said that she was angry with him for "ditching me for his friend" and that he was un-invited. By the time I had to call him to tell him this I just felt so awful not only about him not coming but about getting him upset with me that I apologized for the whole situation and said that since it was so important to me I should have reminded him sooner and I treated him unfairly. I also offered to bake him cookies and pay for the tickets to this one concert that we both want to go to because I just felt so horrible.
He forgave me and I suppose it's resolved but I still feel really horrible about it and I'm not sure why. I know it has to do with the fact that we've never argued like this before. Whenever there's been a problem, we've always calmly discussed it until we came to a reasonable solution. But then again, nothing we've previously argued about has been this important to me. Was I more in the wrong than I thought? Or did I let myself be too much of a doormat? I don't know. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
-------------------- "Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2
A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law. Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006
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I think at this point, it's best to just let this go. It's so not worth dwelling over in the long run.
We can't get mad at someone when honest communication errors occur. Your boyfriend is only human, and he's going to make mistakes. Should he have remembered? Probably. Do people mess up and forget things all the time? You bet.
Your frustration about the fact that he forgot is understandable, but at that point, things were already set. At that point, since he already had other plans with a the friend who was leaving town, I think it would have been better to just let it go. He had already mentioned that rescheduling with his friend wasn't going to happen, so while I understand the idea of a compromise, the chances of things changing were pretty slim. Sometimes we just have to accept that.
As for your mom, I think her reaction was pretty unecessary. Sometimes things happen, we can't always change that. All mistakes aside, her response was a bit uncalled for.
I don't think you need to bake cookies or pay for anything. That would taking it a little too far. People mess up; we forget things, we don't think, we make plans in lieu of others: it happens. We also act on our emotions sometimes without weighing the pros and cons. I don't think you were in the wrong; I think you acted based on how you felt, which doesn't always facilitate the best response. You're not a doormat, but trying to "make up" for your reaction at this point is pretty pointless. Communication and human errors happen, and getting mad or feeling horrible when they do doesn't help anyway. It would best serve everyone to just let this one go.
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