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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Overprotective Parents???

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Author Topic: Overprotective Parents???
Justin'sGirl
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Member # 37319

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Hiiya, i just wanted your advice on what to do. My parents are overprotective, my mom especially, she doesnt let me go to my friends houses, she lets me hang out with my fiance (unwillingly) and has a "time limit" on that. She doesnt let me really do anything, im not allowed to walk around town or go out for lunch, I feel so guilty if i do anything like that. Anyways, I have told her how i feel and she blames it on her past and says she knows but there's nothing she can do about it. Truly, i think she could do something about it if she really wanted. I'm just fed up with feeling like i'm being wrapped in bubble wrap and being put in a bubble, being kept from fun, and the outside world. I just want to know what i should do about this. Im not a bad kid (dont drink, smoke or do drugs, honors student, has a job) so i dont know how to prove to her that she can trust me. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for your help!

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Justin's Girl forever and always

Posts: 44 | From: Alaska | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You're a legal adult, Justin.

So, not only do you have the legal right not to live at home anymore if it is this restrictive, even if you do choose to stay, by all means, it's past time to try and have a calm, serious talk about this with your folks.

You might ask them what they need from you in order to leverage these basic rights with basic responsibilities, since it sounds like you already do a pretty good job on the responsibility end. I'd also make clear that your mother can do something about this: even if these things make her nervous, she can still choose to adapt her stance and get more comfortable with them over time. You're right: she can do something about this if she wants to. You might want to gently mention that if she doesn't give you some rope, she's never going to change and that this isn't about her past right now. She can't change how she sees things unless she allows for different possibilities.

But again, if she's still totally unwavering, it may just be time to get started on planning a move out to your adult life.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Justin'sGirl
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WOW! Fast reply! Thanks! Yes, I am still doing another year at school and then going to University so i have to still live at home. They are saying they cant be driving me to see him everyday (I could walk to his place after school) but they would have to pick me up...most of the time they are already near his house. Tomorrow for instance, I would like to see Justin (we can only see each other 2 days a week outside of school) so i am going in when my mom goes into town, she then says she has to pick me up from Justins right after shes done work.That's only four hours. Why am i only allowed to spend four hours with my fiance?? Why must there be a limit?? Do you have any ideas why there are still being restictions on how long i can see him???? Thanks. Oops forgot to say, they're favourite line is "I bend over backwards for you!" so essentially they are playing the guilt trip on me, how am i supposed to come back from that??

[ 06-07-2008, 03:16 PM: Message edited by: Justin'sGirl ]

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Justin's Girl forever and always

Posts: 44 | From: Alaska | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The person to ask about why they have the restrictions they have is them: I can't know why they are setting them. And if, when you ask, they say they have no reason, then you can either press or make clear that a rule without any solid cause or reason -- be it for you or anyone else -- just isn't fair or reasonable.

Again, there are some things you can probably adapt. having a parent driving you everywhere isn't sound for you or them, so I'd discuss that, for instance. You should be able, at your age, to manage and arrange your own transportation, and they should encourage that, both for their own ease and because when you leave home, you're going to want to be good at that.

In terms of the guilt-tripping ,you might make clear with this that you're not actually asking them to DO anything: in fact, what you're asking for is for them to allow you to take care of yourself more, something you'd think they'd support if they express feeling so burdened with you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kadkitty
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wow your problem is so much like mine...I'm a really responsible person (good grades, no drinking) but my parents never let me see my boyfriend!
I can drive myself to his place, its just that its about an hour away and that cost alot (gas prices) so I can only see him once a week and only during th e daytime! I need to be home before it gets dark:( also I realize it is their car and if I crash it they won't get a new one, but I am a responsible driver and have never been in a wreck.
I have money of my own saved up and I think I have enough to buy a car if I had to but my mom gets mad when I say that and she doesn't want me doing that...but its just tough to try to maintain a relationship under those restrictions!

Posts: 50 | From: United States | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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