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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Girlfriend issues

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Author Topic: Girlfriend issues
Member # 38808

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My girlfriend and I really love each other, and neither of us can imagine our lives without the other. However, I am a bit clingy and tend to get jealous easily. Recently, my GF told me that she was feeling like she still wants to experiment physically with other people, like making out with another person to see how it is. She insists it would be nothing emotional like what we have, but i can't help feeling crushed that she would want to kiss, make out, or grind during dancing with anyone else... help please? opinions?
Posts: 6 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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When someone is talking about opening up a relationship in any way, it's always pretty easy to tell they're not being realistic if they promise no kind of emotional involvement.

Thing is, that's just not something we can really control. We can certainly not intend that, and we can certainly promise not to create an ongoing relationship with someone, but we can't promise not to feel a thing. Feelings are not something we can control, and even very casual sex of any kind involves feelings of some sort, even if they aren't romantic feelings.

If you know you struggle with jealousy issues, any kind of open relationship is not likely to be healthy for you or yours until you are able to work those out more. That also has to be something you want and are comfortable with.

So, what have the talks the two of you have had about this been like? Have you brought up, for instance, how you feel? How you both think you might manage this if she did find she felt something while with someone else? If it's even something you can deal with right now?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 38808

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yes, we have talked about it. I still seem to have troubles with her doing this, but recently, I asked again, and she says that the feeling that she wants to make out with someone else has gone away to just a little bit of feeling this way. And yes, I have brought up how I feel. We are talking more and more about how I feel with it and why she is feeling this way. I appreciate your answer to my post.
Posts: 6 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 38808

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Also, we have talked about if she felt like she wanted to be with the other person, I would probably break up with her, because it shows a lack of commitment to me. She agreed that if I did that same, and felt like I wanted to be with the other person, she would do the same. However, we agreed that while we would be mad at each other for making out with someone else, we would still be together and talk about it.
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Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
Member # 37530

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Hello, Curious.

Okay so, I'm going to relate this to my current relationship:
I've been dating this guy for a little over 10 months now, and our relationship is really, really strong. However, there is a part of me that just wants to get out and explore what's out there. You know, like, test the waters. In my situation it isn't because I don't love him; I guess I just want to see what it's like.
(I kind of just want to walk up to a few random guys and makeout. This summer I'm also going to one of the sluttiest dances I've ever been to, where I've been told guys try to feel girls up, and although I'm not going to let it get that far, I really would like to dance with random guys, too.)

However, I've talked to my boyfriend about this, and he doesn't feel comfortable with me doing this. So, I've decided to respect his wishes and not do it, although I really dont see the problem with dancing with other people, including guys, as long as it doesn't get 'dirty'. So, I will probably still dance, but definitely tell him before and after. ;P
The best thing you could do, which you did, would be to talk to her about it. Set boundaries, but by all means, do not be controlling. I can't really tell you what to do with your relationship, because that it completely up to you two, but if you and her both agree to what you've posted above, maybe you just stick to that as of now and if circumstances change, take them from there.

Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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