Here's the story. I've been going out with my boyfriend now for close to a year...and I'm 17 and he's 16. We both go to the same school, which is a duel-enrollment school, the Early College highschool. So, I don't need to tell you how much more mature we are than the kids that go to regular highschools. We both make very good grades, in fact i'm the Valadictorian, number one in my class...with a 4.2 highschool gpa and a 4.0 college gpa last time I checked..and my boyfriend is so insanely smart, I'd say he was smarter than everyone at that school. So neither of us have ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend before...and I know that everyone that decides to read this is going to just blow it off to "you're too young to know what love is," or "you're too young to be in love." Well I believe in my heart that my boyfriend has shown me love, and that he loves me and I love him. I don't care what anyone else says.
So here's the problem.. My parents are divorced and divorced on my 9th birthday, yeah great, I know. And having divorced parents it's always been a big ordeal for me. Last year, in January, my mom decided it was the right thing for her to do to move to a town 2 hours away from where we lived, because she met a man and married him (i like him he's cool)...so at the time I was living with her, and she gave me the decision to either move with her and leave my friends, my school, my job, my life, and live with her in the small town... or move in with my dad. So, it ended up being a big ordeal just like everything with my parents they hate each other more than they love me...don't even try to convince me otherwise. So finally I ended up going to a counselor and seeing her for a little while...and just asking her what to do....because for years and years I have been in the center of them when they decide to verbally fight, and I'm always the one in the middle. So, I got my counselor to help me out and I made the decision to move in with my dad. So now i've been living her for a little over a year, and in that year I got my boyfriend. Before my boyfriend, my dad was really cool about me staying out late....well as late as my restricted license would allow which was 9...and I could basically do whatever as long as I called him and told him. So, now after my boyfriend, they won't let me stay out past like 7:30, and they always seem very hesitant to let me do anything especially with him, my boyfriend. And my boyfriend and I have talked about how stupid my parents are being...my dad and my stepmom...and how it's unfair that they don't trust him for no real reason. I asked them once why they didn't like my boyfriend, because he felt like they did, and he always felt/feels like they don't want him to come over to my house and hang out, and why they didn't trust them. And my stupid stepmom....gah I want to smack her sometimes...she was like "we trust him, he's never given us a reason to not trust him...he doesn't talk, he makes us feel awkward when we try to make conversation.." and I'm like. Wow. you're stupid. I know they don't trust him, because they won't let me do anything with him. They tell me i'm very young, and lucky to be able to do all of the things that they do let me do, which is not much. But I cannot talk to either of them because they are both so over bearing and when you "talk" to them, you can't get a word in edge wise. And the reason for all this is....I'm supposed to be going to a party at my boyfriend's house tomorrow, friday...and I asked my dad and he never gave me an answer, I'm i'm kindof like "um?" And i even cleaned up my room, dusted, folded away clothes, cleaned stuff off the floor, just like he told me too if I wanted to go out....and still no answer. I think he might have said something like, "let me decided what time you should be back?" But I can't remember, because i didn't hear....so I just don't know what to make them do to trust us, and him....and you can't logic with them either, they both yell at the top of their lungs when they are talking to each other. See I just don't know what to do, I need some help...they are insane. What more do they want from me, I'm not a bad kid...i'm friggen valadictorian, and they don't trust my boyfriend and I. And no we haven't has sex. How can I get them to trust us..... I don't know what to do and it makes me really depressed, because as a person I am week and I don't like to argue.....How do I get them to trust my boyfriend and me.. *sigh* PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME. I don't know what to do.
Posts: 6 | From: United States | Registered: Dec 2007
| IP: Logged |
Hey Lauren, I'll see if I can be of any help. First of all I'm not going to tell you that your too young to be in love cause I'm 16 and I'm in it I'm probably lucky in that I'm more the reverse of you in that my parents allow me a lot more freedom when I have my boyfriend with me then when I'm just going out with friends, cause they know we'll always look after each other and were both responsible, whereas I guess maybe some of my friends are a bit less responsible. I think its interesting that they say "he's never given us a reason to not trust him" - maybe he needs to give them a reason TO trust him. The way to do that is probably for you dad and stepmum to get to know him better. And its probably a little concerning for your dad if some guy he hardly knows is taking his little girl off into the night Maybe if your boyfriend could spend a bit more time at your place and really make an effort to be friendly to your parents (and try to put aside the anger the frustration you both feel towards them). I'm sure your dad and stepmum wouldn't mind him hanging out there - its probably just a vibe your boyfriend gets cause they don't get along so well. Then hopefully they can see what a great guy he is and how much he loves you and cares about you.
And I reckon it would really help if you had a serious talk with your dad to let him know how you feel (in a really mature way ) - or if talking to him isn't that successful, maybe you could send him an email, that way he can't interupt or shout you down and you can really think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. We did that once with my boyfriends mum, but turns out she can go for weeks at a time without checking her email - I mean what the hell!? Anyway sorry, I hope that helps a little bit. Best of luck, Hollie.
Posts: 22 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.