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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I feel guilty

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Author Topic: I feel guilty
Member # 32076

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OK I'm going to make this short. I (seriously) just got home from a date. This guy and I share a lot in common...I mean a lot. I don't meet people like this every day. He's also got a lot to offer in terms of education and a future. This has only been the second date, and we've talked online a couple of times.

The problem is...I like his personality (although I'm still getting to know him) BUT...I am not really attracted to him. In fact, I think he knows that he doesn't have 'looks'. At the end of the date he asked if he could kiss me. I saw it coming because I knew he really liked me.

Was it wrong for me to accept? We kissed...but I didn't really feel anything. Now I feel guilty and kind of dirty. Am I overreacting? Should I continue seeing him and see if maybe I feel more towards him? I think it would be wicked of me to tell him that I don't want to see him again. And at the same time I think he is fun to be around and seems like a good person. Help!!!

Posts: 107 | From: New England | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 38553

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lol. Sweetheart, you're not over-reacting, but you need too tell him that he's just not someone you're interested in in that kinda way. And say it exactly like that, because if you say it any other way, you'll hurt his feelings. Tell him he's a terrific guy, but you're just not feeling the same way he is. It was not wrong for you to accept kissing him, it just made things more complicated than they had too be though. He'll be questioning himself, and you, and why you accepted.
Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You should feel guilty, but not dirty, because what you did wasn't dirty. Just make things right as soon as you can. Hope things work for ya. [Smile] Have a lovely.


Posts: 13 | From: Pittsburgh | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27966

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You know, tbelle, I don't think you need to feel guilty at all. A kiss doesn't necessarily have to mean anything- a kiss is just a kiss, it doesn't mean that you're committing to him in some way.

But honesty is definately the best policy- you said yourself that you're simply not attracted to him. While sometimes attraction can take time to grow, it's not really fair to him or to yourself to try to have a relationship when that attraction isn't there. Would you be willing to be friends with him? There's no need to lose a person who is lots of fun to be around as a potential friend!


Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Too? How someone looks doesn't tend to determine if we feel chemistry with them. Sometimes, to find that out, we do need to try some physical contact and see how it feels to be sure we don't have "it." Sometimes, we might find someone very physically attractive, yet have that kiss and find out we don't have chemistry.

That's typical and as has already been said, not you committing to anything beyond kissing that person.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32076

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yeah....I think we just don't have chemistry, even though we do have a lot in common. I don't think he wants me for a friend. It would be too awkward. I will try and deal with this and I hope things go okay.

[ 05-24-2008, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: tbelle ]

Posts: 107 | From: New England | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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