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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I dont want to loose him.

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Author Topic: I dont want to loose him.
amychaos
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Member # 37929

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I've read on here about people that have been together for years and then broke up because people have changed.

But my situation is a little bit different.

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 4 months now, and its all been going great, I've never been so happy!

But it doesnt seem like he cares anymore, whenever i tell him i love him he just smiles, it kinda hurts when he doesn't say it back because it makes me feel like he doesn't want to be around me.

I've told him that its natural for feelings to change over time when it comes to relationships.

I really couldn't cope if he left me because he supports me and helps me so much. He's the only person in my life that I can rely on right now.
I really dont want to loose him.

What can I do?
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Posts: 116 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lightmyfire
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Member # 35506

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I think everyone goes through a period in a serious relationship where they think that this relationship could be the only one they ever need, but looking at it realistically, people change, and life situations change, and what may be fantastic now might not be what you need later on.

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend and saying that it hurts you when you're the only one who says "I love you"?

Sometimes it's not only a cooling off that brings about this sort of change, but an intensity.

When my boyfriend and I had been together just over five months, he started acting a little strange. If I said "I love you" too much, he'd get uncomfortable, and it was hard to get him to say it back. Finally, he told me he was thinking about breaking it off.

I was devastated, and very hurt.

He ended up not breaking it off though, and he told me that the reason he was distancing himself was because he got scared - he felt really deeply and truly in love with me, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to carry on with a relationship that was that serious.

We've been together almost a year now, and our relationship feels stronger than ever.

So my advice is to talk to your boyfriend about it, and ask him about why he's been acting the way he has. Maybe he doesn't even realize he's been doing it.

Something else I would advise though... is to find yourself in the relationship, whether or not you intend on remaining in it. It's never good if you really absolutely could not cope without your partner.

Posts: 25 | From: VA | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
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In addition to lightmyfire's advice about talking to your boyfriend about it, how is your personal life? Do you still talk to your friends from before you got into this relationship? It's never good to put all of our emotional eggs in one basket (or on one person), so I would suggest you start hanging out seperately from your boyfriend with your own friends, keeping up those relationships. The thing is, relationships can come and go, as much as we don't want them to, but friendships can last a whole lot longer. In time, you may find that friendships are far more valuable than any relationship you can be in.

It would be especially good for you to branch off from your boyfriend now and focus on some friendships outside of him since you are saying you don't know how you'd cope if you broke up with him. Granted, that is something younger people will often feel, especially in first-time relationships, but it really isn't healthy to feel that way. Get out, hang out with some friends, and maybe give your boyfriend a little space. Relationships where people see each other all the time tend to fizzle out pretty quickly anyways, so a little alone time will be good for both of you.

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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amychaos
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Thanks, i appreciate your advice.
I think i'll try and give him some space, maybe not see him for a few days.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?
I just want to build a strong relationship with him.

Posts: 116 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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