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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I long list of "issues".

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Author Topic: I long list of "issues".
Nikola
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Member # 35187

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Ho-kay. So myself and my boyfriend have been going out for a couple of years now and we occasionally have our little issues but everything sorts out in the end. But lately I've been a little worried at his actions/dialogue toward me.

(1) one of my old besties, and also my boyfriends best friends girlfriend and his good friend. To be brief, she first went out with my bf's friend not liking him, physically or as a person. We were better friends back then and she used to express how she thought he was embarrassing and how she was not happy with his physical appearance. She also expressed her jealousy about my boyfriend, and how she wanted to go out with him before we started going out. She eventually broke up with that boy after she told me she was cheating on him. I'm not sure whether it was the right thing to do but I told her boyfriend this (after talking to my own) and they broke up. They are again going out making it a bit hard on me to hang around them so much when she can be quite rude.

Naturally she's very close to my boyfriend as they share classes, they regard eachother as friends but I'm not sure if she still likes him like she did whilst her and his friend were going out. She is very clingy and flirty toward him and it can get on my nerves, especially when she knows I get annoyed with it thus doing it intentionally. My bf as a flirty and clingy person as well, will play around with her in the same fashion. I've tried to express to him how upset it makes me, but he says I shouldn't be so paranoid and how he would never cheat on me. I know it is quite paranoid, but it's not that hard to ask him to stop being so flirty is it? I get upset about it quite often, and he's slowly grown fed up with my behaviour and does not reply when I ask him about it anymore.

I'm not sure if I should be worried, but even so, she and he both upset me and I wouldn't dare talk to her.

(2) same friend as above being a bit of a b*tch. When my boyfriend isn't around she will make a point of EVERYTHING in our relationship. I will constantly get a running commentary on how clingy and stupid I am, how I pretend to be clever, how overweight I am and how my boyfriend will get annoyed with me. Of course if she says that he said something like that I would ask him, and he would always reply with a "No I don't think you are annoying etc.". But her behaviour has just boiled down to plain rude lately when my boyfriend isn't around. I've asked her once before offhandedly to stop being so rude, but she just shrugged.

Is there some way to tell her to back off a bit?

(3) Probably running off the second point. My weight is becoming a bit of an issue, not so much for myself but for my boyfriend. He has expressed how he would prefer me to be thinner and encouraged me to be thinner. At one point I was overseas for a month and I was very very unhappy thus losing alot of weight. When I came back he made a point of how pleased he was. However that weight has returned plus an extra few kilos. I don't REALLY have a problem with my weight, I would prefer to be thinner, but I don't see it as some sort of major problem like he does. To put an extra layer on top of this, he has also said how physically attractive he finds HER (as above). She is a lithe 45 kilos and quite tall (a good 20cm taller than him) and very fit. I acknowledge she's attractive but this, plus my jealousy really REALLY doesn't help me feel better.

So, yeah. Pretty much a full circle of My boyfriend my girlfriend and my weight all in one. I would really appreciate ANY advice because at the moment my confidence ain't that high, and I think my moping is wearing thin on my bf's nerves.

Thanks.

Posts: 8 | From: Brisbane, Australia | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hollie5626
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Well as a fellow Queenslander, let me see if I can be of any help. Your boyfriend should be the one person who is there to make you feel good about yourself and at the moment it sounds like he's doing pretty much the opposite. I would reckon maybe you should let him know how much the things he does and says, both in respect to flirting with this friend and critisising you about your weight, upset you and make him understand that your feeling pretty down at the moment and you need him to be there for you. If hes a naturally flirty and clingy guy then you probably have to accept that hes going to be like that around his friends, but maybe he needs to show you some extra affection to make sure you know you're his number one girl. And if your comfortable with your body, then he should be there to make you feel like the beautiful person you are. I don't think thats too much to expect from him if he really cares about you, which I guess he does seeing as you guys have been together for a couple of years.

And it doesn't sound like the other girl has been much of a friend to you at all lately. Sounds like shes saying some very hurtful things, things that she should know full well will upset you. If your boyfriend is closer with her then you are then maybe she will listen to him if he explains how upset it makes you and that he makes it clear that he does not apprectiate her doing that to you. Once again I think your boyfriend should care about you enough to stand up for you.

Hope that advice is helpful, its just based on my own experiences. Anyway big virtual hug from me! And go the maroons in Origin II [Smile]

Posts: 22 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nikola
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Member # 35187

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Ah, thank you very much. I'll try and talk to him, but I'm not sure if it will help too much. Oh, and watching the origin was like being stabbed in the face with a brick... we did so badly...
Posts: 8 | From: Brisbane, Australia | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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