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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How do I tell my boyfriend I'm ready for sex?

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Author Topic: How do I tell my boyfriend I'm ready for sex?
hottie123
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So, I'm ready to take the big step and have sex for the first time. The problem is, I have no idea how to break it to my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and a half, i'm two years older than him (he's 16, I'm 18) and I really want to let him know i'm ready. But i'm too shy and i'm terrified about bringing up the awkward topic. We've never really discussed our sexual relationship and all we've done before is a little touching. So can someone give me tips on how to let him know?
Posts: 76 | From: Puerto Rico | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Love-Life
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Hi Hottie123,

Its best just to be honest with him abut how you are feeling. It is going to be awkward, that's almost guaranteed especially if it's not a very common topic that the two of you usually talk about.

The important thing to remember is that he may not be ready yet. A very common misconception is that "just because he's a guy" he'll want to have sex as soon as the word "yes" leaves your mouth.

I would suggest taking a look at this article. IT explains all about talking to your partner about sex.
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Here are some sample conversations, there is one about you being ready to have sex and how to approach your partner about it.
Sample Conversations

I also think you should read This article. It helps you and your partner know whether you are fully ready for sex, or not.

Hope this was helpful, thanks for joining and feel free to ask more questions. [Smile]

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There is an upside to everything, sometimes you just have to turn it upside down to find it.

:-) Vikki (-:

Posts: 153 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
A Posteriori
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Totally agree with Love-Life. When my current girlfriend (she's 22, I'm 19) asked me if I'd like to have sex back in February (I was a virgin), I kinda freaked out and needed two days to mull it over. She was a bit taken aback because guys are always supposed to want sex, but I just wasn't sure for some reason. I had no idea why, and it wasn't a rational reaction. I knew that I wanted to, but I needed to just come to terms with it or something. If at first your boyfriend is a bit confused or doesn't react enthusiastically, he might just need some time/space. Then again, he's an individual (i.e. not me) and like any individual he'll have a unique reaction.
Posts: 82 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
libertatissacra
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Really, the best way to do it is to just come out and say it. Yeah, it may be a little awkward, but it's a conversation you need to have. Keep in mind that he may not be ready just yet, and/or that he may want to let the relationship get gradually more physical before jumping into sex (since you said that all you've done is "a little touching," though I'm not sure if that means manual sex or holding hands).

Being able to communicate wants and needs is an important part of having a sexual relationship, so telling your partner that you would like to have sex with them when they're ready is an important first step to really being ready to have sex.

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"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
-Oscar Wilde

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Johann7
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Agreed; open, honest (and non-judgemental) conversation is necessary for a relationship of ANY kind, sexual or not, to be healthy for all parties involved. I would suggest reaching this point before having sex: (to borrow a line from Heather) why are you trying to engage in sex(ual activity) if you can't even talk about it? (I may have butchered that, it's been a while since I saw it floating around here somewhere). YOU personally may be ready, while you as a partner in your relationship may not be. I'm not trying to dissuade you or scare you, I just want to make sure you're viewing your situation realistically, and the articles mentioned will help with that.
I might also suggest Is THAT All There Is?, as it deals with expectations and first sexual encounters. On the plus side, being open, honest, and non-judgemental are good ways to make sex enjoyable for any and all involved parties, so you can look at improving that part of your relationship as preparation for the sex part. If you trust your boyfriend and you trust yourself, there's no reason your discussion about sex HAS to be awkward, although, of course, it might be anyways.

Best of luck to you, and always rember that as long as you (both) are being safe and doing sex YOUR way, you can't get it wrong or mess it up. :-)

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Robble Robble Robble!

Posts: 46 | From: Milwaukee, WI USA | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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