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Author Topic: Orgasm Fixation
sarahwashere87
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Member # 37807

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I've recently begun a new sexual relationship with someone, and while the relationship seems to be a more positive one then the last one I was in, my new partner does not seem satisfied unless both of us reach an orgasm.

Personally it's hard for me to reach an orgasm even when I'm attempting to on my own, and I've lived with my body for the last 20 years so I feel like I know it fairly well. It has been especially hard for me to reach a climax lately, I think due to all the stress that the end of a semesters brings, (finals, packing, moving ect.).

I'm 100% ok with not climaxing. I feel that a sexual activity was a success if both people feel good, and are comfortable. Unfortunately my partner and I don't share this view. He keeps fixating on the fact that he hasn't been able to make me orgasm. I keep trying to reassure him that what he was doing felt incredibly good, and that I'm not expecting an orgasm, but he is still fixating on the orgasm issue.

I've tried to have him explain this fixation to me, since I'm not understanding where he is coming from, or why he feels that he has somehow failed if I don't climax. It's beginning to frustrate me, and I think making it even harder for me to orgasm b/c he has made such a big deal out of it.

I'm not sure what conversation needs to happen next, and how we can bridge this gap in our mind sets. I understand that he is as much entitled to his own definition of sex as I am to mine, but I feel that this will eventually put a strain on our relationship.

Thanks for listening,
Sarah [Roll Eyes]

[ 05-08-2008, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: sarahwashere87 ]

Posts: 22 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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Point your boyfriend to: Yield for Pleasure
Yield for Pleasure first. You both should give it a read, probably together when you can talk about it.

And tell him that when he feels like a failure for not making you come, then it makes you unhappy, too. It's no fun if both of you wind up feeling lousy after sex.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You might also want to have a look at these two advise questions and answers:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/what_can_i_do_to_get_her_to_orgasm_am_i_the_problem
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/neither_of_us_are_reaching_orgasm_but_i_need_him_to

Ultimately, if a partner is really invested in your pleasure, not their ego or esteem, then they should recognize that seeing and presenting your lack of orgasm as failure is not in line with your enjoyment or pleasure, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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