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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Troubles with parents.

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Author Topic: Troubles with parents.
Member # 37529

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So, I have a pretty serious relationship going on, and my parents, especially mom is totally against me dating. Well, I haven't talked to her about it, but I know her tone and I usually avoid such subject. What should I do, and not do?
Posts: 20 | From: us | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28394

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Well that is a difficult question and depends very much on your particular parents and how they will behave with your relationship.

What are they like, what is it you will be having to deal with? Is it possible to talk to them to work out what the problem is.

A lot of the time parents can be pretty protective of their children, simply because they don't think they are ready. If that is the case it could be solved by simply proving them wrong but keeping on as good terms with them *** possible, and handling them, or the relationship well may well be the thing that wins their confidence. Initiating a talk with them working out where problems may lie could be a way of proving your maturity... But as i say, it may vary greatly depending on how exactly your parents are behaving and, the nature of your serious relationship.

Jacob - my Scarleteen Blog - Please help sustain scarleteen

Posts: 633 | From: Bedfordshire, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 37371

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Jacob is right. When I first started high school my parents didn't want me to date at all either (in my case, guys), but here are some things that we came up with that seemed to help

-inviting the guy over to watch a movie or sports at our house so that they could get to know him a little
- my parents talking on the phone with or meeting the guys parents
- deciding certain activities were ok, like school sponsored events or going out in a group of friends
- "car date" was ok as long as a parent was driving

It feels silly to me to be writing these things down now, but they did help at the time. As I got older, and my parents learned they could trust me, the restrictions were removed. Good luck.

Posts: 47 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
Member # 37530

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Well, every since I was younger up until last summer, my mom was planning on sticking to the whole "No dating until youre 16" rule, but this month my boyfriend and I will make 9 months. So, I just turned 15 at the end of March, and as you can see, Im in a relationship.

These are things you could do that might make your mom (and both parents, really) more at ease about you dating:

1. Sundial's comment..
2. Get your partner to talk to your parents one-on-one. (this will establish a relationship with your parents)
3. "Double date".. Get a bunch of friends together and go see a movie. (it may give your parents a little rest on the mind knowing that you are not alone)
4. Be as open about your relationship as you think you can be. (if you two are having sex/sexual activites, and you dont think your mom/dad will like you doing this, although its best to be honest, you may not want to mention it. REMEMBER though, honesty is the best, but just saying that makes me a hypocrite.)
5. Have "at home" events, and when you go to your partners house, make sure there is someone home so that your mom doesnt worry about you being unsupervised.


Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

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Member # 37529

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okay, thank you so much. these helped a lot!
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Member # 35773

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I think Sundial's suggestions are really good. If your parents can feel like you're keeping them in the loop and can feel like they or another adult they trust is keeping an eye on you, that will give you a chance to prove to them that you're responsible and can be trusted, and hopefully they'll eventually throw out most or all of the restrictions. It might be kind of annoying for a while, but in the long run, I think it's better to put up with a bunch of restrictions and not have to hide your relationship from your parents.

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
-Oscar Wilde

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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