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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » help with my situation

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Author Topic: help with my situation
Member # 36769

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Alliee89         Edit/Delete Post 
so i've been on here a couple of times with questions about my relationship with this one guy. Well it's been about two months and I haven't seen him. we text each other maybe once a week . he told me he's just been really busy with school and everything and he's sorry but I don't believe that. Last friday he asked me if I wanted to hang out this week after finals, since we're both on break. well he hasn't called me yet and I don't think he will. Why does he keep stringing me along like this? what's his deal? is he afraid to dump me or something? I haven't talked to him and I'm waiting to see if he'll try to talk to me. every time he text's me and ask me if I want to hang out, useually the day comes and he has some excuse as to why he can't hang out. it's really ridiculous. I've put up with so much crap from him. I'm afraid to break up with him though, I'd just rather let things fade. Is that what he's doing here? I mean why does he insist on making plans with me constantly only to come up with an excuse later on? I already talked to him about this last month and he told me once again, he's just been real busy. ugh, i don't know i'm so messed up over this.
Posts: 27 | From: music | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35506

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Hey, I read over some of your old posts, and your situation seems really familiar to something that happened to me last year.

I noticed you said in past posts that you two aren't officially a couple, and you don't know where you stand. Also that when he seemed to be ignoring you and you confronted him he just said that he was sorry, he was just busy. He's also flaking out on plans to get together. And you said that things were developing physically in an intense way.

This is exactly what I went through with I guy I was head-over-heels for. I tried a few times to find out where we stood with each other, but he'd just get vague and say he loved me (he never agreed to be my boyfriend). We talked a lot in the beginning and saw each other relatively frequently given the hour of distance between us, and every time we saw each other things progressed further physically. And then the phone calls stopped completely. The txting stopped. The IM conversations stopped. And I'd send him a message now and then asking if I'd done something to make him ignore me, or if I'd been annoying him by sending him too many messages. The response (which I'd get maybe a week later) would always be "I'm sorry, I've just been busy with work. My boss is an idiot. I just haven't been social lately." and I'd let it go. And the whole time I was thinking that either I was going crazy and being paranoid or that he really was stringing me along, and I didn't know what to do. I was terrified to let him go, because I thought he might be the big thing to happen to me (and I loved him to death), and it seems (to me, at least) like you feel the same way. Like you want to let him go because its better than feeling obligated to stick around for someone who is never there, but what if you let him go and he really was busy?

Well... I ended up having a big blowout with my guy. I finally confronted him head-on. We got everything out in the open (in true argument style), and I let him go. And it was the best thing that happened to me. It rid me of an unbalanced, unreciprocated relationship, and it left me open to meet other guys. And now I'm in one of the best relationships I've ever been in.

So my advice is to try talking it out for real, and if he flakes out again, or won't really talk to you about what's going on, let him go. A relationship where your partner can't make time for you, and can't even communicate with you, isn't a relationship worth being in.

Posts: 25 | From: VA | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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