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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Separated by college.

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Author Topic: Separated by college.
reonz
Peer Educator-in-Training
Member # 35313

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Growing up, I heard many stories of love set aside because of financial reasons, or the constant craving for advancement in capitalist society.
I always vowed to never be one of those people.
Now I'm not so sure.
I've been in a relationship for eight months, not a really long time, nothing considered substantial in todays society. But it is still the best place I've ever been. Right now, my life is brilliant. I love this boy. I'm eighteen, I'm supposed to be growing up.
Here's the story. I applied early decision to Colorado College. So did my boyfriend. I got in. He didn't.
I live in Washington State, and the idea of going so far away from home is appealing, but it is also terrifying.
Yesterday I found out that we wouldn't be going to the same school. And I honestly don't know what to do or think.
Maybe this relationship wouldn't make it through college, maybe not even through freshman year, but I feel like now I don't have a choice. It feels impossible.
I feel like I can't throw away my admission by rejecting my invitation to enroll. All competitive schools respect early decision agreements with other schools. In short, if I chose to reject CC, I would also be throwing away acceptance to all but, possibly, a lowly state school.
Colorado College is the school of my dreams, and I want to go there with all of my heart, but I don't want to throw this relationship away, it's not over. It has so much promise.
I'm not sure what my question is, maybe just some similar stories and advice.
I feel like the relationship could handle long distance. It would be hell, but we could do it.
I just think long distance would be more like...well I'm not sure. I'm going to college on grants and loans, I have no money to travel halfway across the country to visit the boy. This is why it feels impossible.
I just don't know.

Posts: 34 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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When I was accepted to the only university that I had even wanted to apply to ... I felt the same way. Although my boyfriend and I aren't as far away as another state from one another, I go to school all week, work just about ever weekend, and I work an hour away from home at a residential job all summer (which I have to sleep there for the campers).

It takes a lot of trust and a lot of devotion to one another to make a long distance relationship work. It is definately possible for them to work though. I've been in school 2 1/2 years now and we're still going strong. I think the key to this is that you have to be able to communicate other ways. Talk on the phone and through the internet as much as possible. While many people say telling someone the details of your day makes the relationship boring ... I think it's helped us a lot. Every day my boyfriend and I talk - and we go through what we did and anything else we have on our minds. Being able to walk through our days for one another makes it seem like we were there with them.

You may find too that when you are able to see one another face-to-face you'll have a lot of silent moments. And that's okay too. Sometimes we'll just sit there and not saw a word. It's the silent times when we're together that we say the most about our relationship (if that makies any sense to you). Remember to be open and honest ... and it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about these feelings you're having. make sure he knows that this is your dream ... and that you want him to be a part of it even if that means space between you. I've found that the space between us makes out time together more important. Good Luck!

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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You know, you also have to make sure that you're taking care of yourself when you're looking at situations like this. Yes, two years is quite a bit of time to invest in a relationship. But at the same time, you've got a whole life ahead of you. You need to make sure that you are preparing to take care of yourself and your own, whether this is a partner you'll be with for a little while or a long while. So if going to this school is what you feel is going to be best in terms of your own life, then I don't see any reason not to go. You don't want to always regret having missed the opportunity. While being long distance may be a lot of pressure on a relationship, so is looking at a relationship and saying, "I gave up something I've wanted for a long time and worked so hard to get just for this relationship." That's an awful lot of pressure too...and frankly that pressure is often the more destructive of the two.

And frankly, if the relationship is going to work out, then you'll make it work. People have to be away from their partners for all sorts of reasons throughout their lives. Long distance relationships in college are not impossible. Heck, plenty of relationships that are NOT long distance in college don't make it! You find ways to make it work. Remember too that just because your partner goes to a different school, he doesn't have to stay there. If he really wanted to go to the same school (which it sounds like he probably did if he applied early decision too), then he might benefit from going somewhere else for a year and then applying to transfer if he still wants to.

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Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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