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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » He won't stop calling me.

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Author Topic: He won't stop calling me.
Member # 35773

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So, in August of '07, I was date raped. I posted about that on this site a while back. I've actually been dealing with it well enough. I talked to a therapist my step-brother recommended about a month ago when I was visiting my home town, and that was helpful just to vent about a lot of my feelings on the event and bounce some ideas off someone who knows more about mental health than I do. Also, it helped me to get over my bad feelings towards mental health professionals, and he gave me a few numbers of people up here that I could contact if I felt the need/desire to. And as far as coming to terms with the fact that it happened and coping and all that, I feel like I'm doing really well.

The main problem right now is...he's still calling me. I answered once, several months ago, and he told me that he was coming back to California (he was moving out of state last I saw him, so I thought he was out of my life, y'know?) and wanted to hang out. I politely but firmly told him that I really wasn't interested and that I'd moved on and so should he.

But he's still calling me. For a while, he was calling me at least once a day. Lately, it seems to have subsided to being a couple times a week, but still...IT'S BEEN ALMOST SIX MONTHS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I haven't answered any of his calls since that first one maybe four or five months ago. Even if the sex had been completely consentual, we knew each other for a grand total of maybe two weeks...and this guy is 30 years old. I'm 18 (I was 17 at the time). You'd think that any normal person would a) get over a brief fling with a teenage girl by now and b) would at least take a hint and, if someone doesn't answer your calls after this long, figure that maybe they didn't want to talk to you and you should stop calling.

Another problem is that I can't just block his number because he calls from different phones most of the time. I'm not sure if that's because he's trying to trick me into answering, or just because he doesn't have his own phone and is using friends' phones or something. However, I always know when it's him because a) it's a number that I don't have entered into my phone's contacts (and I very, very rarely get calls from numbers that I don't have listed in my contacts) and b) he never leaves a message, but always sends a text that only says the number that he called from, like he's expecting me to call him back but can't even be bothered to leave his name. Everyone else who calls me leaves a message if I don't answer. So, while I guess it's possible that it isn't him who keeps calling and sending anonymous seems highly unlikely that it's anyone else.

Now, I'm not so afraid that he's going to find me or anything. He doesn't know where I live. I've double-checked my facebook and myspace profiles to make sure that I didn't reveal anything more detailed about where I live than the city (and my profiles are both set so only my friends can see them). I live with two roommates and my boyfriend often stays over, so I'm not alone at night, and my apartment building has a locked gate, and my apartment has six locks on the door that are always latched at night. So really, I'm not too terribly worried that he's going to be able to get to me and hurt me. It's mostly just annoying as hell that he keeps trying to contact me.

I've considered answering one of his calls and trying to explain to him again that no, I really don't want to see him, but I don't like confrontations, and I'd just really rather not talk to him again. And honestly, since I've already done that once, I'm not sure it would make much difference. My boyfriend (who knows about the whole situation) has offered to answer one of his calls and pretend to be someone else, to give this guy the idea that my number has changed and he can no longer reach me at that number. Right now, that sounds like the best idea to me, but does anyone else have any ideas of things I can do to stop this jerk from continuing to contact me? I'd really just like him to stop so I can move on with my life.

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
-Oscar Wilde

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 28076

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Do not attempt to communicate with him, even to explain that you just want to be left alone or to have your boyfriend pretend that this isn't your number any more. I recommend changing your phone number altogether. Let your friends and family know as much about the situation as you feel comfortable.

I'd also consider contacting the police and explain that you're being harassed like this, and ask what you options are regarding a restraining order or what to do if he does find out where you live.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. -Douglas Adams.

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Posts: 446 | From: Seattle | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
corrie paige
Member # 36811

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I agree completly wiht Coastal Nicole. Change your number and get a restraining order, notify the police as well
Posts: 8 | From: PA | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32076

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that's what I would do too (two above posts). I've done it before.
Posts: 107 | From: New England | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35773

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Thanks for the responses. I am going to change my phone number. That really would be the best thing.

But I'm not so sure about going to the police. That seems a little...extreme. By phone is the only way he's tried to contact me, and the only way he CAN contact me. I'm not sure the police can/would even do anything if this guy is just calling me from a completely different city (judging by the area codes he calls from). I mean, if I saw him at the grocery store in my neighbourhood, I can see contacting the police, but it seems like at least for now, all they could do is just tell me to change my phone number, which I'm already going to do.

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
-Oscar Wilde

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27966

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Sometimes it's a good idea to report any kind of stalking or harrassment to the cops even if you feel there's little they could do- simply just to get it on record. As grisly as it sounds, if something happened to you, at least then they'd have a record that you had been harrassed. It's always good to get this stuff recorded. And like Coastal Nicole said, they may have some safety tips for you, and it can't hurt to hear those.


Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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