My boyfriend is the best ive ever had. He treats me right, he's sweet and all those other good qualaties. But everyone has their flaws. And his is communication.
He never calls me, he tells me he's going to be somewhere to meet me and never shows up or is very late. He doesnt like talking about his feelings. rarely, he will.
When i tell him something, I think he's listening but he;s not because, either he or someone else will repeat what i just said as if it was news to him.
Thursday is our only day off from work at the same time. So its special for us to spend it together. But one time, he basically ditched me to do some last minute business he has been trying to do for months and he waited to the last minute, on our day together. I walked away a little upset and he didnt chase after me like i thought he would have. He just left...and came back hours later knowing i was angry with him and didnt want him there. Even though we made up.
But what im trying to ask is, What can i do to get him to just call me occassionally? To just say goodnight? or hello? Or the days when we dont see eachother. Id call him but he's hardly home and he doesnt use his cellphone.
We've been together for 14.5 months. You think he would have straightened up by now. I love him and he loves me. The relationship was great...but now i feel like im losing communication with him and it sometimes feels like he wants to give up.
I dont want to take some time away from him, but i feel it may be best sometimes. So i can get my act together and he can have more space than i already give him.
Posts: 144 | From: MA | Registered: May 2007
| IP: Logged |
I have a guy freind, We like each other but he's movd back 7 hours AWAY!! He doesn't know how to use HIS cell phone either!! I'm not sure why; When I asked him about the phone phobia he teased me and said that he didn't know how to use it. And I have called his home phone, that he didn't bother giving me and we've talked an hour at a time, he's off and on w/ the emailing too... ERG they could each have something else going on in their minds... Any Guys out there?? Please tell us your side!
-------------------- Puppy smoocher Posts: 8 | From: Mac area Oregon | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
Waiting for HIM to act isn't going to solve this problem, unfortunately. It seems he is either blissfully unaware that you'd like a wee bit more attention from time to time, or he doesn't give a darn.
Either way, you're going to have to have the conversation with him, and tell him everything you've said here. You have every right to be upset, but realize that communication is a two way street. In giving him the benefit of the doubt, if you two have never sat down and had a conversation about communicating better, it's possible he has no idea how you're feeling at this point.
On one of your off days together, make a point to sit down without any distractions and bring this up. Ask him just to listen to what you have to say, and then see what happens.
I heard someone recently refer to phone's as interrupting machines, it's a shame that it's seen as a flaw that someone isn't instantly answerable to one.
What I see, however, as the bigger issue is the lack of communicating on other levels, which have left you in a quite isolated position, and unhappy.
Doing things like running away from him to make him chase you, is actually not likely to be very useful to you, as he has no way at all of knowing what you mean by it.
Communication could be bad from his side, but you haven't mentioned any times when you've told him that you'd really like to open up more dialogue and more communication. If you really need him to use his phone more, you should ask him if he wants to respond to that.
If you speak to him you really need him to listen to what you say and respect it, as a complete equal. If he doesn't do that, then you won't get these things which you want from your relationship.
I would like to add that this morning, he called me at 6:45 am. He said he wanted to see me before i went to work. I asked him to wait an hour because it was still really early. He agreed. Now keep in mind, he was five minutes down the street at Mcdonald's (where he works& where he called from)
Its been three hours. He never showed up, or called me back to say he was late or something.
Why do guys do this?!? its so aggravating to keep us waiting on your for hours upon end when we could be doing something else.
Posts: 79 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
[You can edit posts by clicking on the little icon of a pencil and paper above the post- there is a time limit on this though, so you can't edit posts days after making them. The reason why we don't want users to delete posts is because their posts may be helpful to others, and also because being able to see a user's posting history can help us answer their questions better.]
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.