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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Arguing...Other girls...Gelousy...Bad?

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Author Topic: Arguing...Other girls...Gelousy...Bad?
Member # 21320

Icon 8 posted      Profile for PuNkYeGg     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Not posted in a while, but I have a problem [Smile]

So.. With me being one with the past experience in bad relationships, here comes another.

I feel that my current relationship is going nowhere. We had a long term thing before, bad things happend, we broke up, but I took him back.
Quite foolish. He works now so we barely have a chance to see each other and when we do all he wants to do is either "get to bed" or we end up arguing. Usualy I can deal with this untill recently. Hes been bringing up things about other girls, saying hes been with them and such. He even debated over whether another girl was prettier than me, infront of me!. He also claimed that if i werent to have sex with him for a long period of time he would finish with me or find it from someone else! This makes me feel low because it seems all he wants is sex.

The other night a guy sent me a text. I have no feelings in that way about this other guy yet my boyfriend went crazy and didnt talk to me for hours, telling meto shut up, F*** off and that he didnt careabout talking to me. He called me thick a few times too. Yet the funny thing is, I dont see how other girls can txt him, he arranges to meet other girls yet when One guy texts me he goes crazy and accuses me of cheating.

The last thing is, that when we brokeup the last time we were still very close, we thought about going back out and still acted like a couple most of the time. I later found out that he had kissed another girl, was texting one of my best friends asking her to go to his house and only last night did i discover he had kissed another girl at a party. I know i cant call this cheating but at the timewe still loved each other and he was seton getting me back. He lied about all of these events of course denying things and changing peoples stories.

Sorry this was such a rant , but I had to get it off my chest. I know I should end things, for my own good, I just dont know what Id do without him . Do you guys think this is good reason for him to be a bad boyfriend? or am I completly over reacting? Any advice please ? x

Posts: 97 | From: Uk | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 28733

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Honestly, it sounds to me like he is controlling and abusive.

Check out this link, and see what you think:
the Abusive Partner Checklist

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Posts: 1152 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've gotta say, I agree with asargent.

No relationships is perfect and you're never going to be 100% happy 100% of the time. But you should be happy with the relationship the vast majority of the time, or it just isn't worth it. So what is it that makes you happy in this relationship?

You say you spend very little time together, and the time you do have you tend to spend arguing. That doesn't sound very healthy or balanced.

So I suggest you reevaluate why you are in this relationship, what you get out of it, and whether it's worth the time and effort to stay in this relationship. Reading the list asargent linked might also be helpoful, as it does sound like your partner is very controlling.

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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29292

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Hey, you aren't completly overreacting, honey. I assure you. *Hugs* You have a right to feel the way you are feeling right now. Totally. I know I'd be too if I was in a similar situation. Everything here just tell me that this guy is bad news. I just see a lot of warning signs. I agree with asargent here. I suggest you take a look at that list she linked you.

Him arguying this much with you isn't normal nor him trying to make you feel guilty about you not having sex enough with him. Also, if he truly loved you, he'd wait and certainly wouldn't look elsewhere or kiss other girls like he does when it's something he knows you are not okay with.

And he's also verbally abusive towards you. It's far from okay for him to tell you to sh** up and yell at you or call you names. He also seems really possessive with you : he doesn't want you to talk to other guys but yet he sure does it on his side (talk to other girls) and he even go farther than this by kissing them and he expects you to accept that without saying anything. These are all big red flags to me.

He has totally no reason to be acting the way he is. There is NOT any valid reason for a guy to act that way, really. And the way he acts with you is far from okay, it is just NOT acceptable. It simply isn't.

You've said it yourself, you should end things for your own good. I know this can be hard to break up, it never is easy and even more so sometimes in this kind of situation, I get you here, but it's for your own best. In situations like these it's better to break up than stay in the unhealthy relationship where you know you are simply not happy.

It can be hard at first but I'm sure you'll manage just fine with time, everyone adapts. It just takes some time, maybe also some support. And you'll also be safer that way.

Do you need help with anything ? Do you also have people in your life you can rely on to, sweetie ? I just hope you'll put a term to this relationship because I know you deserve far better than this, really. [Smile]

(Edited: Ooops...I'm a bit slow.)

[ 10-20-2007, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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