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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » this is going to be so long, but i really need advice

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Author Topic: this is going to be so long, but i really need advice
Member # 28427

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This has to do about my 'bff'..I dont know if I want to be anymore, theres just been so many things. I know this going to turn out long, seriously long, but I would really appreciate any advice or input..

So we meet in Gr. 8 and were in the same class, so we became close friends very fast. She went home at lunch and I stayed with other friends at school. I always wanted to go with her to her house, but she was only alloweed 2 friends and insisted on bringing these other two girls. Though she called me here 'best friend' there, she hardly brought me and always chose them over me. But it didnt bother me.

In Gr. 9 we werent in the same class and didnt speak that much. I feel as though it was me who kept the friendship 'alive' during this time.

Gr.10 I hung around other friends but still wanted to be best friends with her. The problem, she was going out with an international student who was only here for a year. She insisted on spending every moment with him, since he was going to leave. I didnt spend lunch with her because they seriously had full makeout session in the middle of the halls, and it was very awkward for me. So I stayed away. We only saw each other 2 times outside of school 1-He came along. 2-It was only the two of us because he wasnt in the country anymore. (he went home for a the holiday) So whatever. I spent that year with other friends.

Gr. 11 He had left and I found that I know had the time to become close to her and actually, I dont know, have her full attention. So I ditched my other friend, the one I had been hanging out with for all those years while she (lets call here Susuan) hadnt been there. And I felt horrible for ditching this friend. But I wanted to be friends with susan, so i ditched. Anyways, at the beggining of the year it was great, but then another guy came into the picture. And he was nice, but susuan and him liked each other, which was awkward for me because they were very touchy around each other. Susuan is also very stressed out. About everything, and I tried to cheer her up last year, I really did. Im a happy person, but around her I cant be happy because she is always down and complaining about things. I cant cheer her up, and she drags my mood down too. So at lunches I would leave; go with other friends I could be happy with.
So there was the fact that she made it awkward for me with her and this guy at lunch, she brought my mood down cause she just couldnt be happy, and then tries to blame it one me saying I should try to cheer her up. But I tired..i just couldnt.

Gr. 11/12 Summer I told her that I hated summers, because I always got depressed. I live away from my friends, a differnt section of the city, and I cant see them. So she told me she would make this a good summer for me. I wasnt the computer for a month. I just couldnt go on. She never called, emailed or tried at all to get in contact with me. Other friends did. Not her, so much for this 'amazing summer'. And now she tried to blame it on me, saying that I was the one who didnt go online, so how could she get in contact with me??

i dont know. this is so hard for me to right. im actually crying. i just cant do this anymore. everytime i try to explain something, she turns it against me like its my fault. i jsut feel horrible. friends arent suppose to do this are they?? i just cant do this anymore. I dont know.
I guess I just need to hear that im right for not wanting to be friends anymore, for not be able to do this.
I mean, im not a i? I just cant be friends with her. Shes hurt me so much. And I try to explain things to her but she turns it around on me.

Like today, I was fine. I was happy. But then we got into a fight, and I tried to explain my side but then everything was my fault. And now Im crying, because I just dont know what to do about her anymore..Im sorry for the rant. I just need some advice. Even just a 'im here for you' sorta thing.

I mean, a true best-friend wouldnt make me feel like crap..would they?

And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didnít need because you knew you were finally free.

Posts: 28 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Peer Educator-in-Training
Member # 35313

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She doesn't really sound like a friend at all.
I think maybe you should ask yourself why you want to spend so much time with a girl who doesn't seem to care about you the way you care about her, especially when you seem to have other friends who care about you.
A relationship that is imbalanced, all give on one side, is a really unhealthy relationship.
It seems like you've gotten into a bad habit, ditching friends, who are more caring, for this girl and sacrificing yourself.
Maybe it's time to start a new habit.

Posts: 34 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28427

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I am trying to do this, I want to end our friendship because I do realize that its not that good. It took me so long to realize it, but I finally did and Im trying to part myself from her..but its not easy.

I dont want to just end our friendship, although that may be the best. I cant explain why I want to spend time with her so much, or why I wanted to. I would rather try to explain things to her and tell that I think it would be best if we went our seperate ways.

I dont really know how to end a friendship though.
And if I do end it, like I said, I would want to tell her why. But whenever I try to explain things to her and how shes hurt me, she turns it around to it being my fault. And how I was the one who hurt her origanlly. But it just isnt that way, its like shes always deflecting it and turning everything against should I even try to explain??

And, theres one other thing..if I do end it, I strongly believe that she would tell everyone how horrible I am and all her friends would hate me. Now I know I've got other friends who are on my side all the way, but I hate the fact that she will turn other people agaisnt me. And some (or a lot) of her friends are sorta mutual friends, though they know her better b/c Im hard to get to knw. But if they're good people, they'll realize that they shouldnt listen to her, right?
I'm not the type of person whos going to go and bad mouth the other person, but I could easily see her doing it. Especially because if I end this, it will hurt her way more than me, and she'll want a sort of revenge on me..

** can I tell her that I dont want to be friends, or not as close anymore? And should I try to explain? What if she starts back firing everything at me, should I just give up?**

But, I should end our friendship, because as you said, it just isnt healthy, is it?

I know I thought about it one time, and sorta left it in her hands to keep the friendship alive, what ive been doing for years, and she backfired it at me as though since im not trying she shouldnt either. Like she dosent even realize I was the one for years who kept us together. But after I left it up to her, I know how free I felt. I actually remember thinking 'Holy..Im FREE!' and it felt so good to be [Smile]
So, how do I go about doing this, the things in the **'s** 2 paragraphs up, or 1 sentence, 1 paragraph lol

And thankyou, reonz, I needed to hear that this was unhealty, I mean I knew it, but I didnt want to believe it and thought that maybe I was missing something and it really was my fault. But its not, its just time to end it [Wink]

And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didnít need because you knew you were finally free.

Posts: 28 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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