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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Taking breaks...

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Author Topic: Taking breaks...
musical_gal
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Member # 23394

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Things have just gone totally weird. My boyfriend and I are both off to university (in fact he has already gone). We had decided to stay together (we'd been together for nearly 2 years) but there was a slight problem - he has never gone out with anyone but me, or had the chance to meet anyone but me and worried that sooner or later he'd regret not having fun when he was younger. So I finally decided to bring up the idea of taking a break from things, being completely free to meet other people and maybe getting back together in a month or so if we still feel the same way. I feel as if I need the space while everything is changing anyway. But what makes it weird is that we were so happy - we had no problems in our relationship and both of us were heartbroken when we split...and went as far as saying we'd definitely get back together in the future. It just feels so weird now! He phones me every day to talk and we both know we'd be happy if we were together. I'm just scared of this all ruining things. It just feels so strange because both of us know that we want to be together but at the same time we feel as if we need to do this for our own good. Is it a weird situation to have? Has anyone else tried it or is in the same boat?
Posts: 146 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kiss_me_stupid
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Member # 34749

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heya musical_gal. me and my gf have only been goin out for like 4 months (i know that isnt as much as u and you bf) and when we took a break because we thought it would be easier to concentrate on out work for our mocks. it was weird and i really missed her, and even though it felt like the right thing it was really hard, do u feel this way? i think it is great that your putting him b4 yourself. do u feel unhappy? if you do then i think you should stop the break and as to get back together if he is willing to. it isnt weird at all loads of people go on a break to sort themselves out.
Posts: 18 | From: england | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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How long have you been on break? Are either of you actually taking using this time to go out and meet new people?

One thing to keep in mind is, it's okay to decide that the relationship you have is pretty darn good and worth being in. That may not have been what you set out to do but perhaps that's what was needed.

I'm very much in favor of having new experiences and enjoying yourself but at the same time I also think, if it's not broke don't fix it. So, since you're on a break I think you should stick with it until your month is up. If at that time you both want to be with each other go for it. [Smile]

And if you're still worried about not having an opportunity to try new things, think about things you can try together. It's not the same as dating a wide variety of people but there's no reason you can't have a wildly interesting time together.

--------------------
I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns. --Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
musical_gal
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kiss_me_stupid has basically summed it up. We don't want to do it but we feel as if we need to. And I know I'm being such a wimp because it hasn't been long...only since friday! I'm just still upset about it I guess, it's hard to get used to not telling someone you love them or being able to put kisses on the ends of text messages [Razz] And yeah we both intend to go and meet new people, but we both said theres no way we want a relationship with anyone else...its just more about the freedom...especially for him he just needs to see what its like to be free and single - we got together at 16 so its not as if he had much chance to do that before. I guess I've just never tried the break thing before, and the biggest thing that upsets me is the worry that he'll change his mind about me [Frown] And if I go by the "if its not broke don't fix it" idea, i just hope i havent just broken it!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I was just talking about one aspect of this to another user a little while ago.

I think one thing to know about going to college is that for many people, one of the best parts of college is feeling able to start a whole new life -- your life as a bonafide adult, in many ways -- and to really explore all that college has to offer, not just academically, but also socially.

When it comes to dating, it can be pretty intense -- especially if you lived in the same place or social circles all or most of your life -- for people to suddenly have a big dating pool full of people they don't know. Just being able to consider that, maybe have a few 'real" dates can be a big deal. To feel unable to do that can be tough.

It's also really tough to straddle that balance sometimes between the life you had at home, and the often radically different life one suddenly has at college (see Buffy, season Four, for a full year exploring those themes [Smile] )

Even when you sustain a high school relationship into college, it much more freqiently changes than the times it doesn't, so I'd just be prepared for that. Those changes might be ones you like, or they might be ones you don't, but either way, the transition is often difficult and uncomfortable.

When do you start school?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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musical_gal
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I start this sunday, and really want to go now, it's annoying waiting around while he's gone. And thats exactly what he feels - he'd like to experience the feeling of being able to meet who ever he may want to, even if he doesnt meet anyone, or meets just one girl and kisses her [Razz] And I have to say, I would probably find it tough knowing i didnt have those opportunities too. Although he did suddenly have a new big dating pool a few years back when he joined my school! He just happened to choose me [Wink]

I know things will change, I just hope this makes it easier if we do end up starting afresh in a while because we'll be able to create a whole new routine of seeing each other without struggling to carry on with the old one. I guess I wouldn't ever be able to go through this time without it feeling weird or uncomfortable, right?

Thanks for the help anyway, its really helpful to get other people's advice and experience!

Posts: 146 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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