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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » sleeping in bf's house.

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Author Topic: sleeping in bf's house.
transparentcrystal
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Member # 32771

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Hey there!

I'm pretty much need an advise.
so, i just turned 20 years old this past month, last night i slept in my boyfriend's house and this morning when i got home, my mother wouldnt lower me from being a prostitute.

She was so upset that i was not 'respecting myself' and that my 'bf' will never respect me either that she sent me and my bf an email saying 'SHE STAYED IN YOUR HOUSE, so when do you want to meet me and your parents to talk about marriage?'

boyfriend is upset they treat me like this and will not and doesnt want to come and talk to my mom.


what now? i know when mom said about the marriage thing she was not serius, but angry mostly. So how can i handle this situation if boyfriend aint there? Is he right? who is right here?

--------------------
peace

Posts: 68 | From: China | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Master_Of_Puppets
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Member # 29525

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To be completely honest here I think you're entirely right. You mother is being harsh on you and your boyfriend. You're 20 years old and more than likely already working and/or persuing post secondary education. At age 20 I personally agree with you that you should be able to spend a night with your boyfriend and still respect yourself and either abstain from sex or practise it safely. It should be between you and your boyfriend really, not your mother. If you were 15-17 I'd say maybe your mom has a point...but you're 20 so I think perhaps you need to have a heart to heart with her and explain to her where you feel she's wrong about you.

I had a similar incident with my mother (however, it should be noted that she's very ill, depressed and on medications that do tend to make her very irritable and moody) this month. She accused me of sleeping around and said I BETTER HAVE BIRTH CONTROLL just because I went camping with three guys (one of which being my boyfriend). I wrote her a note and very firmly corrected her...I told her that I was indeed sexually active, but that I'm no fool and I know how to use a condom and I know alternative things I can do other than sex. I told her that I only have sex with ONE person whom I love and am in a steady relationship with. I also stated that I felt she was horribly uninformed and should have asked me and had an actual conversation instead of accusing.

Best of luck.

Posts: 89 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
tbelle
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I think that a lot of mothers are just concerned about their daughter's/son's well being. I've definitely experienced my mom being very over-protective, and sometimes it does sound like a bunch of irrational accusations. But when everything cools off I think they are just trying to look out for you, since there are so many STDs and domestic violence/abuse situations between men and women. I've been in situations where I later had WISHED that I had listened to what my mother or father were telling me.

Parents (loving parents) are always going to view their kids as their kids, even if they're 15 years old or 30 years old. And how are they really going to know WHAT you are actually doing if they can't SEE what you are doing?

What harm are they doing to you besides embarrassing or irritating you? Try communicating with her a little more and be respectful, open and honest, and then she might build more trust. I'd also like to say that it's a bad idea to show or tell your boyfriend that you are in any way rebelling against your mother/ parent/ guardian. This will give total control over to your boyfriend and he will feel like he doesn't have any standard of respect to live up to, in regards to YOU or your mother. Try to be as mature as possible and let it be known to everyone that you are in control of yourself and can make the right decisions.

Posts: 107 | From: New England | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rina
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quote:
Originally posted by tbelle:

I'd also like to say that it's a bad idea to show or tell your boyfriend that you are in any way rebelling against your mother/ parent/ guardian. This will give total control over to your boyfriend and he will feel like he doesn't have any standard of respect to live up to, in regards to YOU or your mother.

I'd like to disagree. She's not rebelling against her mother, she's TWENTY. She's her own person and an adult one at that, which means that there is no control to rebel from.

The mother was wrong, it's none of her business what her daughter does at that age.

And how does a daughter rebelling against her mother lessen the respect of a guy for you? Especially if there is due reason. My mother is a neurotic bitch, she goes through periods where she's acting like my best friend, then she punctures my skull with a stiletto [true], and then she has periods when she treats me like I'm 2. Is it rebellion that I despise her and never plan on speaking to her after I leave for college? And if it is, whoever said rebellion isn't something that earns you respect, especially if the rebellion is justified.

I don't mean to start anything, but these are my opinions that I strongly believe in. =\

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Madwomen seldom think they're crazy.

Posts: 83 | From: in my own little world | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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The mother was wrong, it's none of her business what her daughter does at that age.

Just to niggle? If she's living at home, it IS her mother's business what she's doing. Does that make what her mother told her in terms of her relationship at all appropriate or fair? Not at all, but as long as a person is still living in his or her parents' home, they DO have to abide by the rules of the house.

I'd recommend either sitting down with your mother, and ask to discuss with her some ground rules you all may be able to compromise and agree on, as adults. Also, it may help to explain to her how you feel about your relationship, what sort of adult choices you're making in being safe and healthy, and how it made you feel for her to say what she did. By speaking to her in an adult manner, it may prove to her that you're making smart choices for yourself, and she will hopefully back off a little.

Otherwise? If you want to be able to stay at your boyfriends house, etc. and your mom just won't hear about it or back down with the way she's treating the relationship/your choices? It may well be time to look into moving out on your own and supporting yourself, at which time she really will have no say in what you're doing with your life.

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Jean
aka dailicious
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Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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