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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » dont think this is normal..being this shy

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Author Topic: dont think this is normal..being this shy
FadingStar
Neophyte
Member # 28427

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So I realize you guys are here for Sex Ed, but I was wondering if you could help me out.

So heres the thing; I'm shy. But I think I might have a problem. I'm not sure, thats why I'm comming here [Smile]

I get so worked up/nervous about meeting new people; its not even funny.
My friend is trying to get me to meet new people in hopes I will be able to get over being shy. So she sets gets a group of friends together (some I know, some I dont) and we plan a day to meet at the mall. When that day comes, I wake up and I feel sick. I feel like I'll throw up. I'm hungry but I can't eat because I just dont feel good. When I finally meet the people I am flushed and cant make up complete sentence answers. Usually just yes or no. Oh I also get so nervous I get a slight shake in my hands. It's insane. It's stupid.
This will even happen at school (but not to that degree) if me and my friend plan on 'bumping into' the guy I like. I will get nervous, flushed not make complete answers.
It only happens when I'm meeting guys. Not the gals.

I really don't think its low self-esteem. I mean, I'm not exploding with it but I believe I'm at the normal level with anyone in highschool. I'll be silly and act stupid while I'm around my friends in and out of school. It dosent matter to me who see's; I'm having fun.

I only get like this when I meet new people.

Also, I will talk fine to anyone on the net. If I'm around them face to face I wont talk much unless we hang out for a while or until i feel comfortable around that person. But if I have someone on the internet (msn, facebook...) it's no problem talking to them. I'll talk like were old friends. Then if we make plans to see each other, I start to freak and when we meet, I'm shy.

Does this seem abnormal to you? Should I be getting that worked up? Does anyone know tips/tricks to help me calm down at all? I just really hate getting like this.

--------------------
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didnít need because you knew you were finally free.

Posts: 28 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dot
Neophyte
Member # 34171

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I went through a stage at school when I was very shy! I decided to join a drama class to get over it by "putting myself out there" it worked rather well I wasn't as embarrassed to make a fool of myself.
I get shy talking to people I don't know, when I know them better I can open up to them alot easier.
I suggest relaxing a bit, just take a deep breath, it won't be so bad afterwards, I think your friend randomly meeting people will help you out a bit too.
I hope that helped you a little bit, FadingStar, good luck!

Posts: 19 | From: La la land. | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
James the Dark
Activist
Member # 32379

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You're not alone with the shyness, FS. I'm 22 years old, and the prospect of being in a social encounter breaks me out in a cold sweat. When people I don't know well are talking to me, all I can think about is "Where are the exits", how high my heart rate is getting, and whether it is, in fact, normal to see black spots every time I turn my head. Seeings as I was in drama in my youth, I can attest that it might help for some, but in my case, it was something of a dead end.
I'd rather be at the head of a crowd than within it, any damn day of the week.
Just 'Getting Yourself Out There' isn't always the solution it's cracked up to be. I work at a job where I'm bombarded by people bustling about and oftentimes dropping their two cents into my lap. I can deal with that, because I don't know about them, I don't care about them, and I'll probably never have to see them again, so there's a freedom granted by lack of consequence. It's when I know these people are going to be around every day that I start getting twitchy.

As a piece of advice, the solitary thing which has worked for me is to increase the cluster of friends you have one by one. Meet each in turn, with those you already know in attendance. It makes the transition from panic attack to oh, he's alright, much more bearable. Finding those who share interests (or psychoses) is a definite requirement. Gives you something to talk about at length, which will get you out of monosylliballic conversation.

Of course, that's just the opinion of a guy with less than 10 people programmed into his MSN. Take it as you will, your milage may vary.

--------------------
"And you're really asking me if I prefer injury to embarrassment? That's not even a choice. I don't know anybody who's literally died of embarrassment."

People are annoying sometimes.

Posts: 78 | From: Summerside, PEI, Canada | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
saguy
Neophyte
Member # 32916

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You sound almost like a carbon copy of me and how I feel in social situations. Though I do hope you feel a bit lucky that you have a friend who wants to help you out. Most people who feel this way around people don't have any friends. I have spent the last 10 years or so doing my absolute best to make sure not even my closest family members know about my anxieties. I just use the "I don't have time" excuse whenever I'm asked why I don't have a girlfriend yet at 23 years old.

Anyway, I think you should look into social anxiety and if you're able to, see a doctor about it. There is also a good community at www.socialanxietysupport.com

[ 08-07-2007, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: saguy ]

Posts: 35 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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