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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Being Friends With Ex BF/GF

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Author Topic: Being Friends With Ex BF/GF
celery
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Member # 5594

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Hey I just wanted some opinions on signigifant others being friends with their exes?
Do you think it's inappropriate for a boyfriend or girlfriend to keep in contact with their exes?
Or should it be okay if the bf/gf has shown that they are trustworthy?

Any opinion would be appreciated. thanks =]

Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by celery:
...should it be okay if the bf/gf has shown that they are trustworthy?

Shouldn't a partner be trustworthy before they become a boyfriend or girlfriend? If you don't feel like you can trust someone, then that's a good sign you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. Because without trust there's just no way a relationship is going anywhere good.

It's not wise or fair to try to dictate who a partner can or cannot be friends with. Obviously, if you have concerns about a partner hanging out with someone, you can and should voice those concerns. But you cannot make another person do something they do not want to do.

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Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celery
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quote:
Originally posted by KittenGoddess:
[QUOTE] Because without trust there's just no way a relationship is going anywhere good.

I completely agree. I guess I worded my question wrong, in no way do I think anyone should be able to dictate who your bf/gf could be friends with. I guess my question is for anyone who's with someone that still talks to their ex, does it make them uncomfortable at all?

The reason I ask is just out of curiousity, my boyfriend still talks to his ex and it kind of makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure. I trust him completely and don't really have a problem with it, but it just makes me a little insecure and was wondering if anybody else felt the same way.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I really think this is one of those things that gets a lot easier with age.

Because over time, most people are going to have quite a few exes of varying types and varying imports to them, and the more time that passes, unless you had a knock-down/drag-put breakup, the less and less sense it makes NOT to be some level of friends with exes. That given, it becomes more common and so it feels a lot more normal for a lot of people.

Plus, early-loves have a different flavor than later loves, overall, so I think even folks with some jealousy issues feel less threatened when you're dealing with exes that a) people really haven't been with for some time, b) have theit own separate lives and partnerships, and c) the intesnisty has usually long since died down.

Personally, I've never had an issue with this. In fact, for me, it's kind of one of the things I look at when I'm dating someone: I've always figured that if even their exes still liked them and would give them the thumbs up, they've got to be pretty okay. [Smile]

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nikkir386
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quote:
Originally posted by celery:
Hey I just wanted some opinions on signigifant others being friends with their exes?
Do you think it's inappropriate for a boyfriend or girlfriend to keep in contact with their exes?
Or should it be okay if the bf/gf has shown that they are trustworthy?

Any opinion would be appreciated. thanks =]

I think that it really depends on the type of friendship that a SO would have with their ex. I am all for trust, and in general a SO who is on good terms with an ex is usually a great thing. Meaning, they are very respectful of previous partners, and will likely be that way with you if you were to breakup. Although, there ARE times when you should be wary. For instance, If they are practically best friends, spending a lot more time with each other rather than you...that is definitely not a good thing. You are his girlfriend now--not her. Just keep the wool pulled down, and learn about the type of friendship they have together. Its not being distrustful or jealous, its being smart.
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Mathilde
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I'm still friends with my first boyfriend. (We broke up in early August.) We know that we won't get back together, so it's nothing like that. I love knowing that I can still be friends with a person that I was with for so long. Our breakup was mutual, so there weren't really any hard feelings. (It was decided upon almost a year in advance, so we both had time to prepare ourselves.)

In short, I don't think it's an issue. As long as you aren't expecting to get back with them or something. Intentions should be quite clear: it's just a friendship, nothing else.

Now, I haven't encountered the Jealous-SO thing yet with my ex, but that will probably happen. That's life. However, I'm of the belief that if your ex and his/her SO are trusting of one another, being friends with a past flame shouldn't be an issue.

Like someone else said, as long as the bf/gf in question isn't hanging out with the ex all the time, then there shouldn't be a problem.

Posts: 80 | From: Alabama, USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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