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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I analyze too hard UPDATE

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Author Topic: I analyze too hard UPDATE
IvyCoveredGarden
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Member # 34049

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Hi it's me again. I previously wrote about liking a guy at work, but was scared to say anything due to shyness, relationship history, and abuse. Plus..it's kinda hard to work up a nerve when you're being ridiculed.

Anyway. Me and the guy, Kyle, are together now. It happened so fast I think my head is still spinning. Four days ago he was over my house and we were watching a movie when he asked me what our relationship was. I was confused a lot and didn't have anything to say but "um" as my brain was eternally broken. BUT. Needless to say we did get together.

Now we've had a few problems but mainly cause of my paranoia. I thought he was avoiding me, possibly cheating, and then I wrote a list of cons. (Cause i'm a OCD freak.) And then I discussed with him all of this today.

Even though I'm satisfied because I knew these answers all along. He still seems to always have an excuse for being late, not calling me back, etc. I understand them, I really do. He's 25, a college student, living at home because of financial reasons. Of course I understand, I'm a college student too.

But..I wish he'd take me out. He promised he would take me to the movies but I'm leaving on a trip Thursday. I just wanna spend some time where we're not talking for 30 min to 5 hours -in my house-. But I dunno..I can talk to him about that too. He's putting this communication idea in my head, I'm still shy so it's hard to talk about these things. I feel embarrassed that he can so readily discuss sex, problems, and etc. I can barely say sex outloud. (Which by the way let's me really know I'm not ready if I wasn't sure before. I already vowed no sex til marriage.)

Anyway, I think that's all. Wish me good luck.

--------------------
I to the V to the Y

Posts: 4 | From: PA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
capn36k
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Member # 34666

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Gahh...I'd written up a response but accidentally closed the window. =( Let's see what I can remember...

First things first, when I read your original post, not this one, the one before it... You said:

"...I have yet to find a person here who completes me."

I find that statement to be a negative way of thinking. You don't need a partner to make you feel like a whole person. You should feel like a whole person BEFORE you get a partner, so that you're confident in who you are, giving your significant other the opportunity to experience the true you. Rather than completing you, your partner should make you feel good about yourself and who you are in general.

As for the present situation... Good job on realizing that you're not ready for sex yet. It is very responsible on your part to come to that conclusion. Since you aren't yet ready, to either discuss or engage in sex, the only conversation you probably should have with Kyle, if you feel like you're approaching that level where sex becomes evident in a relationship, is one that makes him aware that you're not going to have sex with him until you're ready. That's all how I personally would handle such situation, though.

You spoke to him about the cons in your relationship though...right? Was the lack of going out on that list? And how did he react when you spoke to him about the points on the list? Really communication here is key... He may be having trouble getting out because of reasons at home, or financial reasons, or maybe he's just shy about going out! A lot of people would rather just stay home and hang out rather then go to the movies.

Congratulations on getting together with him though. =) Why don't you try going out to like...a picnic or something? Give HIM some choices, so he doesn't feel relationship pressures.

Posts: 6 | From: NY | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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