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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » summer is too long

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Author Topic: summer is too long
Member # 28575

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my boyfriend and I met at school, we've been together a little over six months and we're a little past the initial ridiculous phase but not very much. we're still pretty ridiculous about each other.

anyway, his home is about 3000 miles away and I'm stuck here missing him for what seems to be the entire summer. it sucks, I hate that I went and fell for a guy who lives so damn far away, but it's totally worth it, etc.

the thing that's killing me is that we're so desperate that he offered to fly out for a few days before he takes off for Europe for a month and I'll have very little contact with him. he'd come for my birthday, and help drive my siblings around (I don't have a license yet; my mom is sick of driving us anywhere) and just generally be amazing.

my mom, as is becoming typical with anything that I really want to do but isn't either academic or work-related, shot this idea down.

I'm having a really hard time being home. this is my first summer after having lived away from home most of the time, I just completed my freshman year. I went to an early college program, so I'm little - will be turning 17 in a few days - and it's been really frustrating balancing my parents' perception of me as sixteen with my perception of myself as an almost-college-sophomore. I have neither license nor car, and my friends are all kind of far away, so aside from the times I've been able to see them (squeezing in driving time from my parents amongst all the stuff my younger siblings are doing), I've been sitting at home lonely and missing him.

I went out and visited him and his family for spring break a few months back (fought my parents for an entire WEEK to gain that privilege; I found a job, set them up to talk to his mom, gave them enormous quantities of well-reasoned bases for my wanting to go and why it would be good for me). It was the best week of my life. his family and friends were all super welcoming. it was just fantastic.

my family is weird and anti-social. they're scared of new experiences, new places, new people. they seem to find it impossible to welcome even my oldest friends into our home; someone spending a night is a huge deal, a huge imposition. I don't even know what I was thinking asking if he could come stay a week with us; us driving him to the airport at the end of the semester was almost too much for them to handle.

I'm being a bit of a whiny teenager right now, but I'm really upset about having stupidly gotten my hopes up about seeing him, and about how my parents, despite claiming to want the best for me and my happiness, don't seem to want to provide any venues through which I can pursue it. every time I present them with something I'm excited or passionate about, they come up with reasons that it would be bad or dangerous or difficult, reasons which I can almost always counter, but an ideology which is simply impossible to deal with.

also, I need to schedule an appointment with my physician because I think the Aviane birth control I started taking a few months back is causing depression and decreased libido. the libido I can deal with since I won't be having sex for a few months (though it may be a problem in the fall), but I can't handle any additional depression on top of the frustration I feel already.

this was just a vent because I don't really have anyone to talk to (my boyfriend has heard it all already, my friends don't like me dating, and my family...) but if anyone has sympathetic or empathetic situations, that'd be cool.

Posts: 18 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 33665

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Would it be possible for him to visit but stay at a hotel or a friend's house?

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33993

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wow if that were my parents they would never let me stay with his family for a week no matter how much i begged because they dont trust me at all and would think id be sneaking off to his room to have sex every night and so on and so forth. and yeah my parents would say no to him visiting too. so i feel ya! that sucks though really....being away from someone you care about so much SUCKS! i finished up my freshman year at a state college and am now attending community college for my sophomore year to get better grades and get my sh*t straight before i go back for junior and senior year cuz i kind of screwed up my first year and its most likely taht my bf is going back to the state college we met at and im so upset that he's going to be leaving ugh. i was lucky tho meeting him and finding out he only lived 20 minutes away from me back home. orca has a point tho maybe he can stay somewhere other than your house and your parents would be down for it. not having a car sucks too im in the same situation just my car is taken away for the time being. if you think about it tho summer is only a few months, before you know it you guys will be back together at school just focus on that. it sucks missing him but i'm sure there is SOME way u can see each other no matter how much you have to scrounge/beg/plead/conspire/etc.

you promised me heaven but put me through hell...

Posts: 72 | From: illinois | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Sorry you're feeling so frustrated right now. [Frown] We do have a few threads on long distance relationships that might be helpful:;f=3;t=000483;f=3;t=003784

It sounds like you're approaching your parents in a very mature manner which, even though it's not having the results you're after right now, can only help you. Definitely continue to take care of your relationship with them. Also continue to take care of yourself; hopefully you can find a form of birth control that works for you without.

If there's anything specific you were looking for just say so. [Smile]

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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