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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Just Friends...but I Dont Know What To Do

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Author Topic: Just Friends...but I Dont Know What To Do
scaredaboutthetruth
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Member # 33668

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right im sorry if this is in the wrong section

heres a bit about me
im bi/gay
and have liked this girl for a while now

I have mentioned on here before about this girl
We are really good friends and get on so well and shes just amazing and can always make me smile:)
But the thing is, we are friends and thats all we ever will be and i really want to be more and don't know how to get rid of these feelings.
I know that I have to respect her and she is straight so i really know nothing will happen but i don't know how to just ignore that i want to be more than friends.

has anyone got any advice on what i should/could do?

I cant even stand it when she tells me bout this lad because I know how much he will mess her around and she has asked me in the past why I say what I say but, I always say its because shes my friend when really I just dont want her to be with 'Him'. is this selfish at all?

[ 05-29-2007, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: scaredaboutthetruth ]

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......_[[I]] Wish I Could [[Remove]] It From My [[Mind]]......

Posts: 28 | From: leicester | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
faifai
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Member # 17971

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If she's made it clear that she is straight and not interested in a romantic relationship with you, I'd suggest you not try to start one. It will just make things awkward if you bring it up again.

As for her asking if she should pursue others, you can kindly say that you aren't comfortable talking about your respective romantic lives. However, in this particular instance you did mention that you think he wouldn't be good for her - is this because you honestly think he wouldn't be good for her or because you are jealous?

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scaredaboutthetruth
Neophyte
Member # 33668

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okay thank you for the advice. but its not that I would try and start one, just that I woud like it to happen and that I can't seem to make myself realize that it never will.

[sorry if I was unclear about that in the first post]

with this lad I honestly don't think he would be good for her, but on the other hand I guess I might be a little bit jelous

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......_[[I]] Wish I Could [[Remove]] It From My [[Mind]]......

Posts: 28 | From: leicester | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
faifai
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17971

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Sorry for the misunderstanding! Let's try it again.

You're attracted to your friend, but because she is straight, you know it can't happen. I know how awful it can be to have unrequited romantic feelings, but try to imagine how it would feel for her if you told her. If she is not interested in that kind of relationship with you, it will put her in an awkward situation.

She can't return your feelings, yet you're good friends. Are you ok with taking the chance that it could permanently change your relationship if you tell her how you feel? I know that in the past, when someone has told me they liked me "like that" and I didn't feel the same way, it caused some changes in our relationship and not necessarily for the better.

Add in the fact that you're a bit envious of the guys she likes, and it may be hard for you two to ever go back to your old dynamic in your friendship. It's odd talking to someone who likes you about the people you like, and just speaking from personal experience, it isn't fun to hurt someone's feelings though you have no choice. I was pretty upset that they would put me in that position in the first place; in some cases, because they knew I was already in a relationship and chose to complicate our friendship anyway.

As for the guy she likes, you have to be able to separate your feelings of jealousy from honest concern on her behalf. I know it is difficult, but if you really feel the guy is bad news for reasons unrelated to your own feelings for her, you should tell her. And if you don't want her dating this guy just because you want to date her, I suggest you not voice this feeling, it's not fair to her or you.

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scaredaboutthetruth
Neophyte
Member # 33668

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I know what you mean here
and I guess what you have said is right and I dnt really want anything to change so I dont think I will be saying exactly how I feel towards her.

Thankyou for the advice about the lad im thinking of telling her if the subject occurs again.

and once again thank you for the advice it really has helped and I will be taking what you said and using it wisely

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......_[[I]] Wish I Could [[Remove]] It From My [[Mind]]......

Posts: 28 | From: leicester | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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