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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Being a spy..

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Author Topic: Being a spy..
Member # 31745

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So I know what I did wasn't exactly the best thing to do, but my boyfriend talks to these girls online who he swears he just friends with (they work at the same place) but he's told me their attractive but that's it. I knew that he was seriously flirting with them online, like saying "i wish you were here" and "i can't wait to work with you again, i love when we're together" which idunno..i feel a bf shouldn't do that. I've asked him if he talks to them like that and he told me know, but of course I didn't believe him.. when he wasn't around I looked through his conversation logs and there was proof of everything I had been assuming he was doing. He obviously lied, but the thing is I can't say "i looked in your conversations" and he knows that I don't like him talking to them.. There's no stopping him from talking to them, I know he won't do that but I know we'll break up if I tell him I looked through his stuff. any advice about anything??
Posts: 40 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Well, sounds like it's time to have a sit-down discussion where EVERYBODY involved comes clean. Sneaking around and spying and hiding things is not a healthy thing to have in a relationship. It's not good for either one of you. I know that you're worried that if you tell him you've been snooping, you'll break up...but really, can you continue to have a relationship with someone that YOU don't trust and who is doing things that you don't feel are within the bounds of your relationship? That certainly doesn't seem like a good deal either. Also, if you're feeling bad about this, remember that you're not the only one "in the wrong" here. If your partner has been flirting with other people and lying to you about it, then that's not terribly honest here either. So it's time to talk about what is and isn't ok for BOTH of you within this relationship.

Be honest and deal with whatever it is that happens.

[ 05-29-2007, 08:14 AM: Message edited by: KittenGoddess ]

Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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