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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is it possible? How?

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Author Topic: Is it possible? How?
HumanTeddyBear
Neophyte
Member # 34046

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Is it possible to take a member of the opposite sex whom you've been close (maybe best?) friends with for 3 years and have a relationship? Is it possible to get a girl who's always seen you as a "brother figure" or Human Teddy Bear (hence the name) to take you seriously as boyfriend material? If so, how?

I'm not worried about the risks involved or the impracticality at this point. I just want to know if it's possible and if so, how? How can I get her to see me differently

Posts: 28 | From: DC | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You can't "get her" to feel anything, really. Either she sees you as a potential romantic partner, or she doesn't. Have you talked to her about your feelings? That's the one thing you can do to figure out how she feels. And if she only sees you as a friend, than that's that.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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HumanTeddyBear
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Hmm...sounds like a no to me.

She's never blatantly said that's how she views me but it's pretty obvious by the way she treats me/acts around me. I don't know how I managed to earn this position in her life...

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, I did want to add something to this.

Which is this: someone always has to take the first step with things like this. if you haven't told her how you feel, or showed her how you feel, then it's not exactly senswible to presume she's told or showed you, either, you know?

Too, I think it's important to bear in mind that we often have a pretty wacky idea -- as people, as a culture -- of what romantic feelings look like or what sort of dynamic that MUST be. In other words, often the deepest love DOES grow out of friendship, and when friends start to feel romantic, it often looks differently than we expect, especially if we're expecting the sort of very chemical, whiz-bang, uber-crush stuff that sometimes people will feel when romance develops before anything else does.

That isn't to say she does or doesn't feel a thing. Rather, what it is to say is that if your feelings are strong, and it really is something you want to puruse, you might not want to shortchange yourself by assuming you must know how she feels, especially if neither of you have ever spoken about this.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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HumanTeddyBear
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Anyone familiar with the rubberband-iceberg method? A friend told me about it (female friend) and says it works like a charm in turning lovers into friends. To me, it sounds a lot like toying with someone and not being genuine. So I'm not sure about trying it unless I'm sure it works. Does it? Anyone have any stories as to its negative side effects?
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Leabug
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Again, you can't force someone to feel things they don't. This rubber band thing sounds awfully manipulative.

Like Heather suggested, the best thing to do is to talk about all this with her- trying to manipulate her into a relationship is, frankly, just plain cruddy.

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Lea

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-Lauren-
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If it sounds dishonest and manipulative, it's never a trick worth trying, and for those reasons probably is very unlikely to net good results, anyway.

The ONLY chance you have with her is to tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels about you, as you were told above. If you're not ready to talk about feelings, a romantic relationship may not be the best thing to pursue in the first place. [Smile]

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muisy
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If you're not concerned with any risks tell her how you feel. I was friends "teddy bear friends" with a guy and one day the subject came up and it turned out that we had both liked each other. Granted I had a boyfriend at the time, so if you wait it could be too late... tell her while you still have the chance. sometimes it's easier to move from friends to bf/gf.
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HumanTeddyBear
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Ok, so I told her how I felt in a letter. It was quite random. She certainly appreciated the letter and said she'd keep it around in case she's feeling down and needs to be reminded of how loved she is!

She did say, "well, this is definitely gonna change things tho." and claimed she needed some time to think. I figured that was fair since I've certainly had my fair share of time to think.

Posts: 28 | From: DC | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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