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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My boyfriend is a loser...

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Author Topic: My boyfriend is a loser...
Sybil
Neophyte
Member # 30756

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He's the type of guy most girls wouldn't even think about giving a chance to:

He's 27:
-He does not have car, nor a liscence. Never has.
-He only went to college for one semester, then dropped out because he was too busy getting drunk with his buddies and playing video games. Mind you, he also had a full scholarship through his father's work to get a degree at that time, and STILL decided getting drunk was more important.
-He works only two days a week, making $80, under the table, helping his friend's father deliver produce.
-What little money he makes, he spends on video games, pop, and cigarettes.
-He still lives with his grandmother.

I'll admit it--He is a "loser". He has a great personality, but he's going nowhere in life. The two girlfriends he had before me both left him because he was going nowhere.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him like the other girls have, I want to help him out. I've tried talking him about going to college, I helped him fill out finanical aid forms, I even brought over a book from my college about all the different career fields you can go into--He hasn't even opened the letter from the finanical aid department, and the book I brought over to his house has been collecting dust in the corner. I've even offered to drive him around places nearby to see if any of them are hiring.

I'm not going to force him into going to college.

I also don't want to stay with someone who doesn't give a damn about his future. I get the feeling he is comfortable where he is at, which isn't all that great.

I've worked hard to get where I am now (I'm in Nursing school and I work a crappy job 25+ hours a week), and I don't feel I should have to settle for someone who doesn't even care if they'll have a place to live in two years.

I want to see him do well for his own good--I don't want to see him living in poverty or having or worry about whether or not he can eat everyday. Whether or not I'm around, I want him to have a much better life than what he has now.

Any suggestions?

Posts: 18 | From: Detroit | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Have you had exactly this conversation with him, what you have said here (minus, mind you, the "loser" bits)?

because if not, that strikes me as both needed and really well-said. As in, "I don't want to just up and leave, but this isn't the shared life I want to be having down the road, and not the life I want my partner to have."

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sybil
Neophyte
Member # 30756

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Not exactly. I've always told him that he is a very intelligent person and that he should put that to good use, but not everything that I wrote in the above post.
Posts: 18 | From: Detroit | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sounds to me like it's time to be a bit more direct, and to really speak to your concerns here.

It's not unreasonable, when you get to a point with a partner where it is long-term, and looking like you both want it to go longer, to have concerns about how your two lives really will (or won't) work together.

And for sure, part of long-term (and short!) compatibility are things like life goals, work, and certainly what both partners really want to do with their lives. It's also reasobable to be concerned, when you're a very driven, hardworking and motivated person, about if you'll have to carry someone else.

Since you're his partner, not his parent, I see it as more appropriate to really talk about what the deal is with his lack of drive -- heck, his lack of LIFE -- when it comes to how it meshes with you and what you're seeing when you look down the road for the two of you as a couple, not just about what you want for HIM, separate from you. Make sense?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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