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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » overcoming shyness

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Author Topic: overcoming shyness
FadingStar
Neophyte
Member # 28427

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Okay, well basicly I made this post so that anyone could share tips on how to overcome being shy or just how to deal with it.

Sorry if this turns out to be quit long [Razz]

I'm very shy, only around guys though. I'm perfectly fine around my gender but around guys I find that I shy away and don't say much.
My best friend is friends with a lot of guys and they all seem nice and try to make me feel comfortable but I just can't talk to them...

I like this one guy, and my bff is friends with his 'group' and they're all very nice people but I just cannot seem to talk to them. I have no problem talking to the girls in their group but I just cannot talk to the guys.

My same friend became very close friends with this one guy, lets call him Matt. Matt started hanging around with us at lunch all the time and soon I became close with him to and now I have no problem talking to him at all. I'm not shy around him anymore, it just took about 3-4 weeks of him hangingout with us for me to be completly fine and myself around him.

Anyways, back to the guy. I think he likes me, just by the way he acts around me you can tell. One time I was comming down the hall and he yelled my name and gave me a GIANT hug; he'll always say hi to me when my bff is around but dosent really say much to her, even though he knows her better he tries to get me to talk; one time my friend poked him [Razz] and he turned around and said it was me even though it clearly wasn't; he always seems to cheer up when we see each other. Plus theres the whole 'vibe' you get when someone is interested in you, it's hard to explain.
Anyways, I feel like a jerk because he's soo nice, and it's like he wants to become friends; he even introduced himself to me without our mutual friends doing so. He always seems to be trying to get me to talk but I don't and it seems like he's putting in so much efort to get to know me but I'm just not opening up. And I hate it. I want to open up to him and talk to him but it feels impossible.
My bff has sort of set it up so that we would oh-so-casually bump into each other after classes and we could talk, but everytime just before the bell rings and he comes out, I chicken out and cannot go through with it.

I've though about it and I guess it all has to do with my self esteem. I guess it just isn't that high when it comes to guys. So in that case, anyone have any tips to get it up around the guys?

Also, how should I go about and talk to him? As I've said, he's very nice and approachable. After we see each other and say hi (because my bestfriend is friends with his bestfriends and the two of them always talk which leaves the two of us) what could I talk to him about? We'll only have a few mins (3-4) to talk if we ever get around to it so it would have to be quick things...
I know that he is not from where I live (Canada) so if I ever get a longer time to talk him I know I'll talk to him about that..but for now all I need is quick 2 min convo questions.

And lastly, does anyone have anytips at all for over-comming being shy? I've tried to pump myself up before I talk to new guys but it dosen't seem to work most of the time. Any tips/hints would be helpful [Wink]

Thank you for reading, sorry it was so long [Big Grin]

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And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didnít need because you knew you were finally free.

Posts: 28 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

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Being shy can be a hard thing to get over, but it doesn't need to be a struggle.

This is going to sound totally obvious, but guys are people to. Guys can be shy and nervous around girls, guys have silly moments and say stupid things, and guys have the exact same sort of feelings you have. They aren't really that mysterious; it sounds more like you have trouble talking to guys because you think of them differently than you do gals, when in reality, we're all human beings, here. [Smile]

If you have low self-esteem, that is the first thing you need to address. Being able to identify why you are uncomfortable is important, and is going to play a role in getting over your shyness.

Chew on this: Matt didn't have to introduce himself to you. He doesn't have to act friendly or talk to or hang out with you. The fact that he DOES, though, means that he probably is interested in at least getting to know you as a person, if not more. He's likely not going to expect you to pour your soul out to him on the first go-around, but short conversations are a great start. Unfortunately, the more you shy away from it, the harder it is going to be work up the courage the next time. So the next time you see him, gather your courage and say hi. Mention the class you just had, how boring the lecture was or how cool of a science lab you just did. Take verbal cues from him: if he mentions something, ask a question or make a comment. Working off of what he says will make it easier for you to keep up, and you won't be constantly thinking of things to say.

Start slow, too. Don't get all worked up just because you got nervous or felt like you didn't say the right thing, or anything at all. Don't be afraid to work at your own pace, because that is what is going to be most important in getting you over your social anxieties.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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