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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Start getting good relationship habits now!

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Author Topic: Start getting good relationship habits now!
AB
Activist
Member # 29608

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Hi.
I don't really know how to start this topic... but I need boyfriend help.
I'm fifteen, and I'm in my first relationship with a guy right now. It surprises me because all my life I've been pretty sure that I am a lesbian, but I might be bisexual.
Anyway, I had what I think was a crush on this guy, and he said he liked me too so he asked me out... blah blah blah... So, we've been going out for almost a month and I think... I don't know what to think. All of a sudden I really don't want a boyfriend. I really don't want to be in a relationship at all, and I just want to be friends with him. I find kissing him to be repulsive, and I don't know why. I mean, I think I like him.... but maybe I just want to be friends.
I've been going through crap in my life, and I feel I need to figure myself out first before I get involved with someone else.
I don't see this guy in my future anywhere, and I know this relationship is going nowhere. I need help with breaking up with him. I really do want to remain friends with him.
I just don't want to be like my sister, who was having sex with her boyfriend when she was 15 because she felt "that's what a good girlfriend would do." I don't feel ready for a relationship just yet, but isn't that dumb? I'm fifteen and my first kiss was with this guy!
I don't know if this has anything to do with him, but since we started going out I've started cutting again. I used to do that when I was 12, but I had better reasons then. My mom was abusive and she had an alcoholic boyfriend... yeah, anyway. The cutting is getting more serious, though, and I don't know why! I'm not feeling THAT depressed... I just do it whenever I feel stressed out and it makes me feel better. I usually feel stressed when I'm around my boyfriend, and it feels like he's got a hole in him and he kind of expects me to fill it.
Sorry, I just really needed to talk. If anyone can relate to this... I just need to tell him that I only like him as a friend. I'm not really good in the breaking up department. I don't really want to call it breaking up... I just want the romantic aspect of the relationship to be gone.

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"think outside the box, collapse the box, and take a f***ing sharp knife to it."
- banksy

Posts: 58 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm not sure why you think it's dumb to not be in a space where you want a relationship: people are often in that space more than once in their lives, no matter their age.

And when you're talking about a relationship where you're not even feeling attracted to that person physically, where you suspect that you're probably not attracted to that person's gender, period, and with someone where things just aren't right, again, that's not dumb at all: it's completely sensible.

One month really is still just dating, even in the dog-years sort of pace young adult relationships can have, so there shouldn't be a need for any giant breakup of epic proportions here.

So, you need to find some way to communicate that you have just concluded that a romance isn't what you want with him. If you can't do that verbally -- and a verbal opener to that discussion could be something as plain as, "I need to talk to you, because I just can't and don't want to do a romantic relationship together, but I would like to be friends if you would..." -- then you might instead consider penning a letter if that feels more comfortable.

Just understand that he may or may not also want to be friends, or want to be friends right away: often, it takes people in romances some time to lick their wounds before they're ready to be back around that person again, and time to figure out if they want a friendship or not.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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