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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Sudden Apology.. .

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Author Topic: Sudden Apology.. .
Member # 29887

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My ex-boyfriend from this past Summer cheated on me and lied about it. I found out from a friend of mine, confronted him, and soon thereafter dumped him because he confessed. Well, he started dating the girl who he cheated on me with, and at the time he expressed no remorse at all for hurting me. At the end of the Summer he went to college and we never spoke since. Today I all of a sudden got a letter from him after no communication for around 8 months. He and the girl he cheated on me with have no been apart for a long time. In the letter he apologized for hurting me and said that he wanted to be friends now. I'm not sure how to respond to this. Any advice?

"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26390

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It's natural for you to be resentful towards him, if that's what you're feeling. You were let down in a pretty harsh way. But if it's really a sincere apology, I think it'd be worth considering.

I had a similar incident with a friend, who I had a really REALLY bad falling out with over a year ago, and then, I opened my inbox to find that I had a long email from her saying how sorry she was for what had happened, and she said she wanted to be friends. I did not feel like jumping into the friendship head on again, but I wrote her back, telling her how I felt, that after all that time, even after I had even left the door open for her to contact me, she never did until now (because I knew she had been having some social trouble with her college classmates for a while). She said that she wasn't talking to me because of that, that she just really wanted to mend her faults. So we arranged to go and have lunch and talk it over one day, and we made up. I can't say I consider her such a great friend as before, but we're on good terms.

Thing is, I feel that if he's writing to you on his own initiative, with no pressure from external forces, it means he really has spent some effort and time to think about all of this. Sure, it's been 8 months, and you may be thinking, why didn't he say this sooner? It takes time to realize you're wrong sometimes, and when you do, it can also take time to swallow your pride down enough to do something about it.

He's not asking you to be his girlfriend again, and he's not asking you to say that he was right. I'd say that if possible, you should try doing what I did with my friend and talk to each other face to face about this, just to lay down the cards on the table. Maybe when you do you'll find out he's actually a jerk and you don't want him in your life anyway. But quite possibly, he's being sincere and he has learned that he's wrong. Maybe you won't be best friends, but forgiving is so much more easier when the person is willing to change what you couldn't forgive in the first place.

To summarize everything, I'd say go for it and see what he has to say. [Smile] I hope this has helped you, and please feel free to write back with any progress reports.

"Love does not make itself in the desire for copulation, but in the desire for shared sleep." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

Posts: 410 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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