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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » lots of problems with me : too wary of people, trust issues...

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Author Topic: lots of problems with me : too wary of people, trust issues...
cool87
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I got a problem which I did not felt totally 100 % at ease discussing before here since it is linked to plenty of others but here it is. Surprising since I brought up other personal subjects, but some are just harder to bring than others depending on the person.

I am really, extremely, wary of people, even more when it comes to guys.

I just fear that when I meet new people for example, they will become friends with me only to take advantage of me and not because they really like me.

And especially with guys, I have big problems getting into relationships. Some guys asked me about going out with them and I'm just like thinking in my head is it just for sex or did they made a pact with their friends that they will go out with me and then jump me after ? Why would they want to go out with me ? I just fear that they will go out with me for anything but for who I am physically or mentally. I seriously am starting to think I might have a mental disorder.

And like one guy just asked me to go out with him few weeks ago like on a paper (what a thing !) passed in a class. He didn't even talked about it to me after. I guess it must have been a joke. But I didn't handed the paper to him either cause I was just plain scared that he wanted to go out with me for the wrong reasons and just scared of simply opening up to him.

I am extremely insecure I have to say. I need a lot lot of time trusting people be it friends or boyfriends. I really don't open up easily, far from that. I'm like highly unreachable, sort of. When someone gets to know a lot of stuff about me, they are at a highly big place in my life cause I don't easily open up with people. I'm really an introverted person.

I don't have really close friends with which I can talk these things with either. I have school friends I talk too but they arent close friends. The close friends I had I lost them few years ago.

I happen to have the same thing with other people too although it is usually easier for me to open up with women.

And it has happened on several occasions. I just am confused as to why I keep having these thoughts. Why am I so insecure and wary of people ?

There has been huge huge things that happened throughout my life. It really has been a bumpy road for me. I've dealt with a incredibly lots of things which I have far from all discussed here, which would be supposed to make me strong but haven't so much. And I'm guessing this is all due to that.

I don't know why I am discussing that right now but there are moments like that, when it all comes out strongly to the surface and I feel bad about it and need to vent or something. I just try to hide them all inside and try not to think about it too much and pretend they dont exist, but they all comes out of the surface eventually and I need to let them out.

I don't know if someone could offer some help about all of this. Someone been through a similar situation ?

[ 03-15-2007, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Selkie
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I am in a similar situation, although believe it or not, your actually better off then me. I really have a very very hard time opening up at all to people. Too many times I've opened up or trusted people, only to have it come back and haunt me for ages. It gets really hard to talk to people about stuff, although I am hoping that I can open up to people. Several people I am considering opening up to, and if that works I think I might be able to get on track.

I noticed you had a few questions in there.
A possible reason is you feel betrayed by people. Like, did you ever tell someone a secret, and in an hour everone in the school knows? That feeling could be based off of thoes experiances, and it is possible after a few times of that happening people are jsut trying to have somehting else to laugh about at you. Thus all the offers that don't appear real. I am guessing on all of this based on what has happened to me, you might or might not be in a similar situation regarding all of this. If you are, I fully sympathise(sp) and my heart goes out to you. Same even if the situation isn't the same, noone should feel alone, as I do too many times.

Incedently, actually talking to people on this forum about this helped me inside a bit, talking to other people I knew and that would take acton I didn't want them to didn't work very well for me, that is not to say you shouldn't talk to other people about your problem.

hugs,
Selkie

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

Posts: 117 | From: I'd prefer to keep it private | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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cool, I just wanted to say I've read your post and will reply more later -- sorry to hear you're in this tough position. [Frown]
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cool87
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Selkie :

You seem to be in a situation a bit similar to mine from what I got of it. So maybe after all I'm not alone in that... [Smile]

A possible reason is you feel betrayed by people. Like, did you ever tell someone a secret, and in an hour everone in the school knows ? ?

Me, the overanalyzing person I am sometimes, I've come to a point where I can link and explain each problem I have right now with specific things that happened in the past. It all adds up. As crazy as it sounds, it does help making more sense as to why this problem exist in the first place for me.

And yeah, having being betrayed several times in the past certainly does explains in part why I am having problems trusting and confiding in people now.

[ 03-16-2007, 02:52 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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xeroxa
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Hi, I'm new here, and wanted to try talking-I'm really introverted also, so maybe I can get rid of that a little by posting. I always feel like I have way too many aquaintances, and that there's no one that I can really talk to about things that actually matter, or I try and we end up fighting.
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cool87
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Hey xeroxa, welcome to Scarleteen ! [Smile]

I'm glad you answered my post. Always great to know other people that are in a similar boat as mine and most importantly, being able to talk with them.

Feel free to talk about your experiences here if you like. Not only might it help you, but it might also help me and others. [Smile] So I'm open if you want to discuss anything.

[ 03-16-2007, 09:21 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by cool87:
I got a problem which I did not felt totally 100 % at ease discussing before here since it is linked to plenty of others but here it is. Surprising since I brought up other personal subjects, but some are just harder to bring than others depending on the person.

Well, thanks for feeling brave enough to bring it up with us here.

quote:
I am really, extremely, wary of people, even more when it comes to guys.

I just fear that when I meet new people for example, they will become friends with me only to take advantage of me and not because they really like me.

And especially with guys, I have big problems getting into relationships. Some guys asked me about going out with them and I'm just like thinking in my head is it just for sex or did they made a pact with their friends that they will go out with me and then jump me after ?

I don't think your concerns are out of place regarding all of this. It seems that the last guy you were with, for one, was really pushing your boundaries and stuff. This gut feeling is a good "warning" sign of sorts; it's not that you're doing anything wrong as such, but taking a break from this where you don't date and don't worry about it could help. A few years back, I discovered a pattern of getting into relationships that just weren't right to me. I had known this for awhile as something felt not right, but I finally took the step towards a break from dating/sex/relationships. During this period I focused on other stuff. Over time I was able to eventually figure msyelf out and what I wanted/didn't want from a relationship.

quote:
Why would they want to go out with me ? I just fear that they will go out with me for anything but for who I am physically or mentally. I seriously am starting to think I might have a mental disorder.
This sounds like maybe a self-esteem issue here?

quote:
And like one guy just asked me to go out with him few weeks ago like on a paper (what a thing !) passed in a class. He didn't even talked about it to me after. I guess it must have been a joke. But I didn't handed the paper to him either cause I was just plain scared that he wanted to go out with me for the wrong reasons and just scared of simply opening up to him.
Never feel bad for turning someone down, especially if something doesn't feel right about it. It goes back to realizing your radar of sort isn't quite working perfectly; you don't know exactly what's causing it, but you recognize something needs work.

quote:
I am extremely insecure I have to say. I need a lot lot of time trusting people be it friends or boyfriends. I really don't open up easily, far from that. I'm like highly unreachable, sort of. When someone gets to know a lot of stuff about me, they are at a highly big place in my life cause I don't easily open up with people. I'm really an introverted person.

I don't have really close friends with which I can talk these things with either. I have school friends I talk too but they arent close friends. The close friends I had I lost them few years ago.

I happen to have the same thing with other people too although it is usually easier for me to open up with women.

Being introverted is ok, but if it's bothering you, I can see that youwant to work on it. Where might you look for some friendly people?

quote:
And it has happened on several occasions. I just am confused as to why I keep having these thoughts. Why am I so insecure and wary of people ?

There has been huge huge things that happened throughout my life. It really has been a bumpy road for me. I've dealt with a incredibly lots of things which I have far from all discussed here, which would be supposed to make me strong but haven't so much. And I'm guessing this is all due to that.

It does seem like you've been going through some big life changes lately, such as your parents' divorce, that can bring a lot of resolved feelings to the surface.

quote:
I don't know why I am discussing that right now but there are moments like that, when it all comes out strongly to the surface and I feel bad about it and need to vent or something. I just try to hide them all inside and try not to think about it too much and pretend they dont exist, but they all comes out of the surface eventually and I need to let them out.

I don't know if someone could offer some help about all of this. Someone been through a similar situation ?

What about going to a counseling session to talk about this with a professional? S/he could really help you analyze and find coping techniques for these feelings?
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cool87
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It does seem like you've been going through some big life changes lately, such as your parents' divorce, that can bring a lot of resolved feelings to the surface.

Well my parents finally decided to stick together. I should have stated it. They rearranged things, stopped fighting, and have decided to spend more time together. So this is all resolved and going for the best.

That's usually stuff that bothers me mostly in the evening or the end of afternoon. In the day, it is a lot less bothersome. It's just like my anxiety rises a lot by like 5 o'clock. I start becoming anxious about a lot of things. So I don't know if that tells me something, I thought it was maybe only because of fatigue or something.

I thought about going to a counselor, I know it's the thing to do here, but I just haven't had the courage to yet.

But thanks for having taken the time to reply Lena. I appreciate it.

[ 03-16-2007, 10:16 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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