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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How to ask?

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Author Topic: How to ask?
Selkie
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Well, there is someone who I've been becoming friendly with for quite awhile, and that I'd like to ask out. But.. I am a nartrually shy person, and I don't have very many friends that can help me with asking, nor have I ever asked anyone else out before. I really respect this person, and feel alot of affection for, but I'm nervous about asking for the number or to go out. Can I have any advice on how to do this please?

NB- the usually same class stuff doesn't work, I'm the top of the class by a mile =\.

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

Posts: 117 | From: I'd prefer to keep it private | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Just do it! Have you and this person hung out as friends yet? That might be a first step if you want to take it slow. What might you do together? As for not having help from friends, I think it's actually better this way: it's more mature just to deal directly with your crush than through middle(wo)men. [Smile]

quote:
NB- the usually same class stuff doesn't work, I'm the top of the class by a mile =\.
Selkie, could you go into a little more detail here? Do you mean you're one of the "best" students in the class so inviting him/her to a study group would seem too obvious?

[ 03-15-2007, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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Ecofem
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(Hey Selkie,

It's cool that you're new but already such an active poster here! I don't mean to get this discussion off track, but you could please consider also posting here? It's a thread on dating, relationships and sex around the world-- I'd love to hear your insight into this topic in the Netherlands. [Smile] )

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Selkie
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Thank you very much Eco, I've been trying to do that, just having some trouble with my spine [Razz]
As for the study group, one doesn't exsist, and there really isn't alot to study for. It's one of thoes classes that you can't really make a study group for, I'd be like making a study group for gym...

Anyways, thank you very much eco, and if I get a chance tomorrow ima ask =)

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

Posts: 117 | From: I'd prefer to keep it private | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Selkie
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"Sorry, the time in witch you can edit your message has elapsed"- the reason for the double post.

I tried asking today, I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to say, but when I tried to say it I went all hot and just couldn't ask... my mouth wouldn't work =\. I can carry on a normal conversation fine, and was talking when I was going to ask, and suddenly I couldn't say anything... I think it's because I'm too shy to ask, but I'm not sure... can someone help me on a way that I can overcome this?

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

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LucysDiamonds
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Talk fast. [Razz] Haha, really though, whenever I ask someone out, I have to force myself to talk fast enough that I say the words before I can think twice and hesitate or stop myself. Just count in your head, "One... two... three!" and spit out the words. It doesn't give you time to stop. And if you know what you're going to say already, which you said you do, that's awesome and it'll probably make it easier (and less likely that you'll trip over your words). Good luck! I know you can do this. [Smile]

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So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves the chance to fly

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Selkie
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oooh, ok ty Lucys, that should do it [Razz]
I got 2 weeks to work up my nerve, and by the end of it I should have worked up enough spine to ask. ^.^ thank you alot!!

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

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kiera
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You don't have to imply anything by getting someone's phone number-the next time you're together you should let the convo drift towards music or something and say, "we should go to a show sometime, what's your number?". It's worked for me anyway, and if they're interested they'll ask for your number too. That way you're not defining anything, and the situation is open on both ends, people feel less trapped. Once you get their number, follow up, go to a show, try things out, and see if you click. Then if there's some substance to you two, it'll feel really natural to just progress to a more date-like situation.

I feel like calling it a date, that is specifically asking someone out on a date is really intimidating. Feeling your way into it, in my opinion, is a better way to go. That way, it won't be so shocking for him to suddenly learn this person has all these feelings for him, and it won't be weird between you guys if you're just not into it.

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Selkie
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It's that first step I'm struggling with Kiera [Razz] thank you very much for the advice/ideas. It was something along thoes lines I was going to ask =). Thank you all of you for helped me out on this.

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

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Ciara
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I have to go ahead and say that I am really forward. In some respects I'm very shy, if I think the guy will say no then I get close lipped. Try talking to this guy about relationships in general, see what he thinks about them. Casually ask if he gets scared when a girl makes the first move, or asks him out... Then go from there! That is if you still haven't asked him yet. Good Luck! We are rooting for you!

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Loving Life, Riding the road. Mitakuye Oyasin!

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SatisfactionBroughtItBack
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If you're too shy to ask him face to face,write a note asking him in a casual,laid back way (eg:'Hey,you busy this friday?coz theres this cool movie out and i wanna go see it and i was wonderin if u wanted to come with?')
Or if you wanna tell him you like him before you ask him out,then simpyl write a note saying 'Hey its no big deal but i was wondering if you liked me?I mean,i like you more than a friend and was wonderin did you feel the same?'.
Then you can either hand it to him(and tell him only to read it when hes alone so his friends dont get a word in about it),put it in his schoolbag when hes not looking,put it in his locker(if he has one) or if you know one of his friends that can be trusted not to read it,give it to him to pass it on to the guy.
And remember..if this guy turns you down,its not the end of the world [Smile] Plus its only your first time ever asking someone out so dont be upset or feel down if you stumble on your words or if you ramble on when you ask him out.
It happens to everyone,from the shyest to the most self confident.
Good luck!
XXXTailsXXX

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ROCK LOBSTER!!!!
I love you Sonic :)

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