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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » rules of dating

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Author Topic: rules of dating
ayeayeaye
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what kind of rules do you guys set for yourself in regards to dating? or what do you think are the norms? I've never really dated much at all because I had a long term boyfriend (but obivously no longer do) and I now have these multiple guys interested in me. I'm not dating any of them in they are my 'boyfriend' but just like we flirt, hang out, go out on a date, kiss.....that kind of thing. Now i guess my main question is, is it "okay" to do this with more than one guy at a time? thats just dating around right? what do you guys think...what are your dating rules?
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-Lauren-
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From good ol' wikipedia's article on courtship:

During dates, people often explore each other's personalities, to discover whether or not they would be compatible together in a relationship. Usually, if the two individuals discover that they have poor or low compatibility, it signals the end of the relationship and there will be no "second date," and often no further communication at all.

But, dating has different meanings to different people. In what's aptly named serial monogamy, folks commonly tend to shy away from playing the field, and a person they're interested in is often boyfriend/girlfriend right off the bat.

So, how you choose to define it is up to you. My only suggestion here would be to make sure that the various people you're seeing understand that you're not exclusive due aforementioned assumptions some people hold. [Smile]

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Ecofem
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I wanted to jump in to add: Definitely go date around if you want!! Lauren gave you that definition, that dating is really up to you and whomever (plural) you're dating. I'm not sure how old you are, but I have a the impression that "dating" as such has gone out of fashion nowadays, at least in high schools. It's all about getting to know people and having fun; there's no pressure to commit to a relationship. In fact, it's good to focus on the fun but do your own thing, especially after recently ending a long-term relationship. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open so everyone's on the same page. [Smile]
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ayeayeaye
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thanks guys for the replies! i'm 20 and in college if it makes much difference but i don't really think it does, hah. i was in an almost 3 year relationship that i broke off back in may. since then my life has been very complicated with another relationship (looong, complicated, frustrating, sad story, hah)buti 'm trying to get over that and give the people who are interested in me a chance i guess. I'm not going around and sleeping with multiple people by any means, i havn't gone beyond kissing with any of them..but basically at this point in time there are 2 guys that this whole "dating thing" involves. hah....i would love to here more responses if you've got them
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Heather
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How strange that anyone feels the need to apologize for dating in a healthy way, isn't it? Dating is SUPPOSED to be "feeling out" potential partners: when people commit straight off the bat to people they barely know, or barely know in a romantic context is often when we get into trouble. Not doing that also tends to keep you more open to more possibilities, rather than easily falling into patterns or "types" of people or partnerships, which means you and everyone else may find awesome relationships you might not otherwise.

Remember that how you date, and how you structure your relationships is both individual and optional. There's NOTHING that is ubiquitously somehow "better" about serial monogamy or even monogamy period: relationship models vary widely because people vary widely, so what the "right" way is is just waht's right for you and everyone involved.

So, now or later in your life, even if you WANTED to have more than one partner at a time for more than kissing, there isn't a thing wrong with that, so long as everyone is down with it.

Personally, I have to say that I don't even think it's essential, when you are just casually dating and there isn't any sex going on -- thus, no physical rsisk to people -- to have big talks explaining yourself per dating more than one person. Monogamy or commitment really shouldn't ever be assumed, it should be something two people discuss and agree on, not default to. So simply saying, "FYI, I'm not dating anyone exclusively right now," is really all that usually needs be said.

Heather Corinna, Champion Dater, reporting. [Big Grin] Seriously, during the times in my life I was dating, I mostly loved dating, just because I always dig meeting new people, and with a bit of practice, I got pretty good at forging all kinds of relationships out of dates. Some of my fave friends over the years were actually people I went on dates with where we discovered that while romance wasn't what the right thing was for us, friendship rocked it. (And more than once, during a date with someone great where we didn't feel chemistry, I'd see a good set-up for a friend: I have more than one friend over the years who's wound up in a cool relationship due to one of MY lackluster dates!)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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summergoddess
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There isn't such thing as a universal set rule of dating. It's up to YOU what goes on in your dating world. It's important though to note that you are comfortable in what you are doing and that other parties know what you want and are down with it. [Big Grin]

Dating is fun, and like heather said, it's great to figure out people and know what you would want in a partner and in a relationship. [Smile]

[ 03-04-2007, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: summergoddess ]

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~Jules

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