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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Older guy and dating question

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Author Topic: Older guy and dating question
Member # 30102

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I'll try to make this short...

So..I met an older guy, who's nice and sweet and all that, although, I'm 18 and he is 25. Do you think the age matters at this point? Only thing though; I'm not comfortable about telling my parents about it yet because I know that they would want me stop seeing him. I've told a couple of friends. I'd like to see him again, but I'm wondering if it is too risky.

Also another question: Is it wrong to go out on dates with various amounts of guys? I mean, I'm not having sex, just dating whoever I feel like it bascially and I'm single.Is that considered 'slutty'? I got out of a bad relationship and just want to have fun right now.

Thanks for your time...

Posts: 30 | From: United States | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I think going on dates is actually a great idea. It gives you a chance to get to know different people without making a commitment that you may not be ready for just yet. As far as slutty goes, I hate that word. The only time it's used is to criticize women for doing pretty much anything someone else doesn't want her to do. I think you're far better off ignoring the concept altogether instead of holding back from things you want to do for fear of being labeled as such.

As far as dating someone older than you goes, the usual problems in those situations are the older partner taking advantage of the younger's inexperience or pushing her further or faster than she is comfortable with. It seems to be much easier to be manipulated if there's a significant age gap. I think the dating you mentioned will help minimize those risks though. Still, pay attention to how you're treated and don't hesitate to end things if you're not being treated as a partner (instead of say a child) or with respect.

You say you're 18 but are you still in high school? I can understand why your parents might be concerned if their high schooler is dating someone who has been living as an adult for years. That's a pretty significant experience gap. Have your friends met him? Bringing them along the next time you see him might help you get another perspective. If things do evolve into something serious you'll then have third parties who may be able to reassure your parents.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30102

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Thanks for your reply.

No, I am not in highschool...I started college, and am currently in my second semester. And my friends have not met him, because I just barely met him myself a couple of days ago, and he was charming.

Thank you for reasurring me not to worry about being labeled as well.

Posts: 30 | From: United States | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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18 and 25...It's not totally unheard of, but you definitely are at different points in your life. At 18 you're either at the end of high school or beginning college, at 25 he's at the age where most people are out of college for 4 years already.

I've definitely had an excellent friendship/leaning towards more with someone who was 24 at the time when I was 19. I met him at a more neutral place though (work). How do you know this guy? Trust your instincts about him. If you think he has genuine intentions, but you feel reservations about telling your parents, you should ask yourself why exactly you're uncomfortable.

As for your second question, it's really up to you. If you're comfortable with dating many people to find out who you mesh the best with, then that's all that matters. "Slutty" is an awfully demeaning word, and you shouldn't worry about what others think. As long as you're ok with it and know exactly what you want and what your boundaries are, you'll be fine.

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Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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Hi Oracle, I remember your previous post and am so glad to hear that you stuck with your resolution to move on. [Smile]

I'm in agreement with ookuotoe; dating in the traditional sense is an excellent way to have a lot fun with no commitment. It's not "slutty"; after all, it was the norm way back when, and "going steady" wasn't the default as it can be today.

Have fun, and good luck!

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30102

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Thanks for your responses. I hardly thought you would remember my last post, haha since you all get so's very thoughtful [Smile]

Anyway....I do feel he has good intentions. He came up to me and started to talk to me at an arts and crafts store; that's where I met him.

The only reason I don't feel comfortable about telling my parents is that they are overprotective of me, and even though he may be the nicest guy in the world, age matters to them. I don't blame them for being like that but....I don't know. I'd like to date a variety of guys, even if they are a bit older.

Posts: 30 | From: United States | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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I don't see anything particularly remarkable about 18 and 25. It is a big gap, though. And I will say this: I was not the same person 18 as I was at 25. Those were two VASTLY different phases of my life, and if I were to meet my 18-yr-old self, I'd have no common ground with her. Hell, I'd probably be really annoyed with how silly I was. I don't mean to sound hideously skeptical, but my ex cheated on me (he was 26) with a 20-yr-old girl. He totally took advantage of her naivete.

But if you are absolutely sure that the relationship maintains a good power balance, and he can look at you as an equal, then all should work out fine.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11352

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I don't think it's a big deal. I mean, yes, there is a bit of a gap.

I was 17 when I went on one date with a 22 year old guy. Close of a gap. We just hung out and went to the gym. Yeah, that was our date. My parents knew about it and were fine with that.

It's okay to date various types of guys. You can feel out what you want. I dated several guys when I was single. I didn't date anyone younger than me. It was mainly guys my age or older (within a 5 year gap--that was my rule).

I have since found the one for me and now married to him. He's only 6 months older than me.

Anyway, just be cautious when you are dating, and stick to your guns.


Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32107

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Im currently 18 and my bf is 23. I was 17 and he was 22 when we first started dating.
Your 18 so your parents cant technically control who you date. I told my parents about my bf shortly after I started offically dating him, they were a little worried about me, but knew that I was turning 18 soon anyways, and that there just was no stopping me when I have my eye set on someone.
I was worried about the age difference before i started dating my bf cause I knew he was more expiernced and mature then I was, but things worked out nicely, he has never pressured me, and Iam mature enough for him.

So at this point, no, I dont think age really matters, just trust your insticts, and if you do decide to start offically dating him, talk to him about your limits, ect.

Id rather be hated for who Iam, then loved for who Im not.

Posts: 17 | From: Michigan | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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