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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » love

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Author Topic: love
Member # 30787

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how do you know if you really love a guy??
Posts: 17 | From: arkansas | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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That is really something very, very individual, hun. There are no set levels of emotion every one goes through and there is no litmus test for being in love. It's something you just have to figure out on your own.

I bet if you asked each one of us to tell you how we knew we loved someone, you'd get as many different stories as you get posts. By all means, if that'd help you sort things out, I am sure some of our posters would love to share their stories with you. But they're not one-size-fits-all, and we can't tell you how you feel.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30787

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actually that would be helpful, just viewpoints from a few different people. If its not really a problem.
Posts: 17 | From: arkansas | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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Well, I'll throw a bit of my viewpoint and practicality out there.

Generally, love in the romantic sense is something that develops over time with someone you've gotten to know well. It's deeper than a crush, and it's beyond the head-in-clouds-wedding-bells infatuation some people experience with something new.

With healthy love, you feel enriched by the relationship, rather than chained down, or on the other extreme, like they're the only person that makes up your world. You feel free to have your own life, accomplish your own goals, and you can depend on the person you're with to be supportive of that.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20075

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My 2 cents. :]

Love is, perhaps, the hardest emotion for me to describe, simply because it's so wonderful & a little nerve-wracking [in a good way, of course]. I suppose the general ways of describing it would be that you feel complete happiness & security while around this person; you cannot stop thinking of him. You could be doing nothing at all with him -- watching a movie, taking a nap, driving silently in a car -- yet you feel utterly close to him. Perhaps you've imagined yourself spending the rest of you life with him, or maybe you don't see yourself dating anyone else because he is the one you'd rather spend your time with.

I think the best example is the moment me & my boyfriend wanted to say that we loved each other. It was when "I really, really like you" wasn't enough to describe our feelings for one another. & we both would get so frustrated because we felt something deeper, but didn't know how to express it... & then, of course, we said the obvious. :}

"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30201

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I know in biology scientists know of a specific hormone that human brains secrete when they start to feel that "attachment" feeling to someone else. Unfortunately, the brain cannot continually secrete the hormone for more than about 4 years at a time.

Me personally, I try to avoid talking about romantic love... although I imagine if I was in a really longterm relationship I might. It's just such a loaded term.

[ 02-19-2007, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: iheartdc ]

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Member # 25983

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Well, hormones don't seize control over people's actions. [Smile]

While the neurotransmitters may only stimulate the pleasure center for a period of one and a half to three years, many people stay together shorter or longer than that seemingly unaffected.

Interestingly, oxytocin (the hormone at play during arousal and orgasm, labor and postpartum, and lactation) has been found to have a positive impact on trust and bonding, despite the increased stress of pregnancy and parenting that often do cause splitting.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30506

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My main feeling on love is comfort. When I'm with my boyfriend, evrything is going to be all right and I'm comfortable with everything; myself, our relationship, how things are going to turn out etc. Obviously theres trust, understanding etc but comfort is something that i really appreciate and most people don't seem to mention it.

Thats just one Irish girls viewpoint xD

Carpe diem!

Posts: 15 | From: Ireland | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28394

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(carpe diem! i got dead poets societ dvd through the post recently)

For me love- or whatever it is I would like - is about the will to share time with someone, and admit mutual feelings for each other and not be dependant. Like the will to be together when you don't need to be... the clear decision to be together and valuing the opinion rather than necessity.

Because looking back some of the strongest feelings I've had for people have turned out to be based on dependence and my own insecurities. The things I want say more about me than the things I need because I have a choice of them, so they're specific to me.

Jacob - my Scarleteen Blog - Please help sustain scarleteen

Posts: 633 | From: Bedfordshire, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32276

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Love is un-unreal.
Everyone can describe it and it could be completly different for everyone. But when your in love you know it. For me a big sign is when you think about the person all the time, If someone says anything that reminds you of the person you get a huge smile on your face. You can tell the person anything and not be scared of what they think because you know they love you and they are there for you. You feel like for once you dont have to hide anything, you are completly yourself around them and to me thats love.

Ofcourse again its different for everyone.


"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

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My turn! To me, love isn't something spectacular or out of the ordinary or earthshattering. (I'm grateful for this because I would be scared if such feelings were to make me start acting like someone I wasn't! Cue "Love to be Loved by You" by Marc Terenzi, a super cheesy-which-makes-it-fun song/video.)

But it is very nice, something that makes me feel positive and good, knowing that the other person and I deeply care for one other. (Personally, this means enjoying each other's company but not necessarily being together 24/7 and/or constantly thinking of each other.) However, romantic love really isn't all that different from platonic love for me. Granted, the details of the relationship are different, but isn't it so in every interpersonal relationship?

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Member # 29887

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Love is when you can be with that person, and it seems as though they are the only person in the room, the only one you see. When you're apart, they're all you think about. You wake up each morning excited, knowing that person is in your life. When you're together, you feel complete, and everything is right in the world. Love is when you connect beyond the physical and even the emotial level, but almost on a spiritual level, as though the two of you were created for the purpose of being together. When you love someone, you can fully embrace both their positive traits and their faults. And you can't imagine your life or your future without them.

"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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