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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Need help with my friend!

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Author Topic: Need help with my friend!
thejoesboy
Neophyte
Member # 32051

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So my friend is18 and he now is allowed to date by his overbearing parents. He has a nice, beautiful girlfriend, his first, and is getting pretty serious. They want to get married. He plans on doing this behind his family's back this summer. They both understand that they can't have kids yet, but I'm afraid that he is a little confused about his emotions, he has known her for only a few months.

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Ya Basta! Enough is Enough! - ezln

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to save the world.
-Nelson Mandela

Posts: 23 | From: Buffalo,NY | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
Activist
Member # 27966

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This can be a pretty tricky situation sometimes!

In truth, some people really do click right away and feel ready to get married within a few months, and have happy lives together.

On the flip side, if your friend's new to dating, he may simply be feeling infatuated with his new girlfriend, and be convinced he's ready to take that leap before he really is.

If you're honestly very concerned that this girl is a poor match for him, or that they're not ready to be married, I think the only thing you can do is perhaps try and talk to your friend about your concerns, but be aware that this is the sort of thing that can break up friendships if not approached tactfully. It's up to you, really- you can leave it all alone, and perhaps things will fizzle out on their own. But do keep in mind that you can't make these decisions for him, and the final choice is ultimately theirs to make.

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Lea

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thejoesboy
Neophyte
Member # 32051

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Due to his parents' Mouselini-like efforts, he has not reached the point of maturity that is required to delve into this kind of endeavour, or at least this is what I believe.

Well, just to help you understand the situation better, I work and practically live with this kid and his family. He is 18 in August, and I 16 in July. Our relationship is not at stake, as he would eventually get over it. I am more worried about him thinking I ruined his relationship, and the physical pain he can cause me.

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Ya Basta! Enough is Enough! - ezln

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to save the world.
-Nelson Mandela

Posts: 23 | From: Buffalo,NY | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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Whoa. Tell your friend to hold the phone.

His folks may be strict, but they're HIS FOLKS. And if they get married, she's going to become family, too, and those are some ties that bind. It's not gonna help her case to marry secretly and expect the people who are suddenly her RELATIVES to be very accepting.

I find the secret marriage thing to be rash and terribly immature in its lack of foresight.

If they want this to work out, they're going to have to wait and try to warm the families up to the idea. In the meantime, they can start on the road to MATURE behavior by doing practical things like save money, get education, find work and other such things to earn their independence. Tell them to learn about finances, joint accounts and the like. When they marry, they're going to need to know those things unless they enjoy struggling.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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